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The ex dilemma

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Fake_handle, Jul 14, 2008.

  1. buckweaver

    buckweaver Active Member

    Learned it the hard way, with an ex I'm no longer in contact with, and learned it the "easy" way, with an ex who is still one of my closest friends. But it took us about a year and a half before we could talk without it being awkward.

    It takes time.
     
  2. ArnoldBabar

    ArnoldBabar Active Member

    Another good point. Run, run, run away Fake. There is so much to lose -- dignity, time, effort, emotional investment, the things you could otherwise be focusing on -- and so little to potentially gain. A friend? There are lots of friends out there who don't open an emotional Pandora's box every time you see them.
     
  3. Cadet

    Cadet Guest

    I have, too. I've made the mistake of thinking "we'll be friends" and then I get a few weeks away from the situation and I think "what a fuckhead; what did I ever see in him?"

    I think it's different with flings or short-term relationships, you can retain friendships, but LTRs are a whole different category.
     
  4. Fake_handle

    Fake_handle New Member

    This is my third "big" breakup (those of relationships lasting more than a few months). It's amazing that you can forget exactly how much it fucks up your life, how long it takes to get over it, and how many weird pitfalls there can be.
     
  5. dargan

    dargan Active Member

    Great point, AB. All of that is wise.
     
  6. old_tony

    old_tony Well-Known Member

    Breakups of LTRs absolutely suck. They're also the ones that you can't be friends with. You know her to well, she knows you to well.

    Based on what you've said on this thread so far, you're not over her. And I don't think you will be for a good while. And being in contact with her in the meantime will not help you get over her.

    That being said, if you wish to get back with her or wish the breakup had never taken place, tell her that's how you feel and that's why you can't be friends.
     
  7. joe

    joe Active Member

    Better that you were away when she got her stuff rather than being there and fucking HELPING her pack up your years together.
     
  8. Lugnuts

    Lugnuts Well-Known Member

    So is she.

    In fact, if I had to guess, here's what's going on:

    She's a little miffed/perplexed/interested that you took it so well. She actually wanted a little "FUCK YOU!" You were too okay with the breakup for her liking.

    She initiated contact because she would like to know you're still not over her and that you're pining away for her-- not necessarily because she wants to get back together.

    If you don't want to get back together, and if you don't want the drama, wait exactly one year and 2 months to see/e-mail/phone/anything.

    Got it? ;)
     
  9. KYSportsWriter

    KYSportsWriter Well-Known Member

    speaking of exes, my most recent ex tried to add me on myspace. turns out she is with a 36 year old who has two kids. and this is after she told me she thought dating a much older guy creeped her out...
     
  10. JakeandElwood

    JakeandElwood Well-Known Member

    Me too. I tried to be friends with an ex just a few weeks after we broke up. It worked well for a few weeks then it completely fell apart.
     
  11. forever_town

    forever_town Well-Known Member

    There's no right answer.

    It depends solely on the kind of relationship the two of you had. If you can be friends without being significant others, that's fine. However, if you can't, then it's time to move on.

    However, I strongly suggest that you avoid any temptation to drag your friends into any interpersonal squabbles between the two of you. Speaking only for myself, there's no faster way to alienate you from me if you try that with me.
     
  12. outofplace

    outofplace Well-Known Member

    As usual, it takes a woman to remind us just how devious women can be. (Let's face it. In some areas, they are just smarter than us).

    I think what Rosie suggests is a very real possibility. Even if she is not, the last thing you need is to make yourself even more vulnerable to this woman. It is pretty clear that you are not over her yet.

    Just tell her it is uncomfortable for you, without going so far as to say you aren't over her yet. Trust me. That last bit is NEVER a good idea if you genuinely want to be friends.

    Good luck.
     
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