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The ex dilemma

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Fake_handle, Jul 14, 2008.

  1. buckweaver

    buckweaver Active Member

    If you're conflicted, even 1 percent ... wait longer.

    You can be friends later ... but not if the emotion is still there. Not yet.
     
  2. Fake_handle

    Fake_handle New Member

    I've been going with the bone-anything-that-walks approach, thinking it would steel me for that inevitability. Not so much, as it turns out.
     
  3. WazzuGrad00

    WazzuGrad00 Guest

    It's too early then.
     
  4. Flying Headbutt

    Flying Headbutt Moderator Staff Member

    IF it can work, and that's nothing more than an IF right now and many months from now too, you must wait a while. You don't give up something that lasted a few years and then stay in touch right away. It'll just cause problems later, trust me on that.
     
  5. Cadet

    Cadet Guest

    Just to pick on a point, are you saying there's a difference between the end of a "living together for many years" relationship and a marriage? Because I don't think either is any easier, one just involves lawyers.
     
  6. Fake_handle

    Fake_handle New Member

    That's pretty much what my old man said – it's divorce without the paperwork.
     
  7. Cadet

    Cadet Guest

    Yup. How was the division of stuff? Amicable? Is one of you in a worse living situation than before? That kind of stuff can impact any future friendship, if there is lingering resentment.
     
  8. ArnoldBabar

    ArnoldBabar Active Member

    Exactly. It can work, but not now, and not any time soon. Think years. You can come to a point where the things you liked about each other initially, you still like -- but completely divorced from the feelings.

    No matter how much you try to talk yourself into it, you can't handle "reconnecting as friends" now. It's been well proven by many before you.
     
  9. Fake_handle

    Fake_handle New Member

    The division of stuff went very smoothly. Most of it was mine, as is the house. We had a pet, but she bought it for me as a present and we agreed at the time that I'd get it in the breakup.

    I was gone for a couple days, and she had some friends come and help her move out. We didn't bicker over any of that - I figured if she needed any of my stuff bad enough that she walked off with it, it was OK by me (and she didn't). Her living situation is worse now, but it was her decision, so I don't think there's any resentment.
     
  10. Fake_handle

    Fake_handle New Member

    It's funny you say that about talking myself into it - everything that's been said sounds pretty sage, but I find myself thinking "fuck that, we can pull it off," which is probably just a sign I'm mentally angling to get back together with her more than I realized.
     
  11. Fake_handle

    Fake_handle New Member

    Just out of curiosity Buck, is this something you learned the hard way?
     
  12. I have. It's easier said than done, but Buck's right. It just ends up making things worse, and you usually lose a bit of your dignity in the process.
     
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