The Evolving Role of the Wingman

While allowing Mr. Johnson to spill out his insides and dissolve the urinal cake, I began to think about the role of the "wingman."

These days, I do not think the goal of the wingman is to take the opposition's friend away from the target, rather to allow your friend the opportunity to learn from a mistake and facilitate the chance. Take for example:

I was at the bar the other night and my friend decided he wanted to go out and try to find a female on which to take out his pent-up sexual urges. I advised my friend that it wouldn't be such a good idea since he has been drinking for a while and his standards may be lower than midget head, but he continued onward. He began talking to a member of the female sex and her friend. I am not going to say these girls were bad-looking, but I've heard the Elephant Man has busted his peanuts on better. I chuckled on the way to the men's room and while I relieved myself, it struck me. If he wants to break his slump by bedding the spawn of Big Foot, I have no reason to stand in the way.

When he returned, I found him, the girl and her friend taking a tequila shot, and when asked to take one as well, I said "thanks but no thanks," and proceeded outside. I would have stayed and maybe talked to the girl's friend, but David Akers was lining up behind me to take his shots at her teeth.

The night progress and soon I was dragged by my friend and told to look after the bathroom door. While he gave her the Shawn Bradley treatment in the first stall, I guarded the door like a two-dollar lock and distracted the friend. A bouncer came by and I was not going to turn him away. He entered supposably just as my friend T-Mac'd her.

They were soon removed from the bar and her friend offered to give them and me a ride back to our respected destinations. I declined the offer respectfully and went along my business at the bar. The next day when I finally spoke to my friend, he asked why I let him go home with the girl. I told him that I wanted him to be able to learn from his decisions and raise his standards. He concluded by saying at least the condom worked.

So here I am, thinking that the role of the wingman has not changed, but evolved. It is no longer the wingman's job to take the bogey's friend, but allow your main gun his chance to get himself into a situation. At the point of no return, I chose not to be the cockblock, rather the facilitator. Let him make his own choice and learn from the mental slip. Sometimes we just gotta let our friends hit the Little League curveballs.

 

I thought this was about my favorite honorable conservative.

 

A real wingman would have sucker punched the bouncer to distract him and let his buddy have a few more moments in the john.

 

Dude, you're a buzzkill.

 

Bravo!

 

"the Shawn Bradley treatment?" That's wordplay worthy of F. Scott Fitzgerald.

 

I have no idea who this poster might be, but after 1 post, may be in the running for poster of the year.

 

No. A true wingman saves drunk buddy from going Hoager City.

 

You never, ever leave your wingman!

 

That was close to a Bubbler-caliber post. Bravo indeed.