The Divorce (and SJ Therapy) Thread

Would you stay married for the sake of convenience, or would you get the fuck out when the fire died?

The real question is, Do you fight with your spouse and do you think your marriage is stronger because you do?

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/22/f...ups-separation.html?smid=tw-nytimes&smtyp=cur

I sometimes wonder if our inability to strike out is heartbreakingly rooted in our love for one another. Because we did and do love each other. And we both had been so injured by our violent and loud childhoods that we found refuge and joy in the quiet.

But that kind of love often doesn’t survive life, and in the end, our silence was less about respect or affection or love than it was about cowardice. He and I were equal partners in that, turning inward instead of speaking out.


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(Hey, NYT, your URLs are really shitty. Work on that goddamn SEO!)

 

Does that person think marital strife was just invented?

 

Seems as if she wanted something new. She has it..for now.

 

Marriage: don't.

 

Getting divorced and building your next relationship solely on a foundation of the opposite of everything wrong with your ex always works out so well.

 

The consensus on mommy message boards would be the husband is addicted to porn (with addiction in that context meaning only occasionally watching porn), gay, pedophile, or severely depressed because who doesn't want to go out all the time and cuddle with their true love.

My throwing-it-out-there guess is the wife might not be as welcoming and supportive as she thinks she is, and possibly bi-polar.

 

Bangin' little body, though.

 

6 is stretching it.

 

My parents, and a lot of folks in my family, have been divorced at least once.

Mom has been with the man I call my step-father since I was 3 or 4, Dad remarried around that same time. My step-mother left my dad on Easter Sunday when I was 14 or 15, but they haven't gotten divorced yet. Both of them are too lazy or too cheap to get it done, so it's made for some awkward times at family stuff.

It's one of the myriad reasons I'm scared shitless to take the plunge -- if I ever do meet "the one."

 

I envy the civility and maturity that woman and her ex have.

 

Have been married 19 yrs, soon to be 20. I believe our marriage is strong is because we vent to each other and make a real effort to tell each other what's bother us rather than let things fester. Of course some things are held back for a bit but eventually they come out at the right time and its past and we move on. Most importantly, I know that my wife brings so much good to me and I am grateful for that.

IMHO, I believe you can think he's/she's "the one" but that's only part of the process, maybe even just a small part, the primary work comes from whether you value your marriage and remain committed to your vows. At least that's how I live it. I try to do everything I can to always remember why we fell in love and remember that I committed to her for life.

Of course, if you're miserable? Get out. My buddy is going through that now and it sucks to see him miserable.

My parents divorced when I was 4 or 5. My mom remarried shortly thereafter and they are now on the 40+ anniversary. M step-dad was/is a godsend and filled the vacuum nicely. So I believe in second marriages.

 

I know a few divorced couples that I'm sure they're still banging even though one/both is with someone else.

I'd put a high likelihood on that happening with the writer here.