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The C Word

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by KG, Jan 26, 2009.

  1. KG

    KG Active Member

    My family could really use some prayers right now.

    Last Thursday, my mother went in for her annual mammogram. The doctor found an abnormally shaped tumor and scheduled her for a biopsy today. Normally, it takes a few months to get a biopsy scheduled, but he's so sure this is cancer that he managed to get her an appointment in four days.

    She could find out the results as early as tonight or some time on Tuesday. Her appointment to find out the results isn't until Wednesday, but since she works for the same hospital, she can go down and have them pull her records ahead of time.

    She's certain it's cancer. She had a scare last year, and was unsure and worried, but it came out fine. This time, she's certain, yet doesn't seem to be too worried. She says she feels like she knows it is and will deal with it as it goes. She's mentally prepared for it to be positive and prepared for the lumpectomy and whatever may follow from there.

    I, on the other hand, am a complete wreck about it. I kept my promise to one person to not worry about it until Monday, but it's Monday now, so I'm allowing myself some panic time. I feel like the walls are closing in and I'm running out of air. I know what I'm feeling, yet I don't know what I'm feeling. I've had a thousand things running through my mind and I can't hush the thoughts.

    I know many of my thoughts are very over the top and thinking the worst for not even having test results yet, but maybe I'm trying to set myself up for believing it's cancer the way she is. I just wish I could be as calm and OK with it as she is. I'm trying really hard not to think about it at all, but it's racing through my mind at warp speed.

    Please pray for my family that we may all be able to deal with the findings of this test and what may come as a result.
  2. Colton

    Colton Active Member

    Re: Prayers Needed

    KG: I'm about to hit my knees and I will certainly say a few words for you and yours.

    I don't believe your thoughts are over the top whatsoever. It's your family... you have every right to feel the way you do.

    Blessings to you.
  3. pseudo

    pseudo Well-Known Member

    Re: Prayers Needed

    You got 'em, KG. And if I were in your shoes right now, I'd probably be catatonic.

    Stay strong.
  4. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

    Re: Prayers Needed

    Hang in there, darlin...
  5. Dirk Legume

    Dirk Legume Active Member

    Re: Prayers Needed

    KG, we are in the same boat.

    Two weeks ago, during my wife's mammogram, they found "something". The biopsy is Thursday and we wont know the results until the following Monday. She has been handling it pretty well but I, on the other hand, am a wreck.

    So if you need a "waiting on info" buddy, just send a PM. I got your back.

    All the best to you and your family.
  6. Simon_Cowbell

    Simon_Cowbell Active Member

    Re: Prayers Needed

    My fingers are crossed for you and your mom.
  7. KG

    KG Active Member

    Re: Prayers Needed

    I feel totally sick to my stomach. She's having the biopsy done right now. I just talked to her on the phone, right as she was walking into the office. As calm and laid back as she's been about it since Thursday, I did detect a sense of fear in her voice, something I'm sure she would never admit to.

    I feel bad for making this thread somewhat about me, but I won't admit my fears to her either. My fears of course, go to the furthest extreme. I know she is well aware of the fact that this could ultimately kill her, but I also know she's OK with that. Because of her diabetes, she's never expected to live to a really old age anyway, but I don't see it that way. Her (whatever that test you get every few months that tells on you for how well you've managed your sugar levels) has been great since she got the pump. Her kidneys also look great. That was something she was really surprised to hear.

    She was diagnosed with diabetes when she was 21 and pregnant with my sister. She was told, forbid from having any more children, but she refused to listen to the doctor and had me. Well from the time she became pregnant with me and on, her diabetes got really bad. And before anyone asks, no, I don't blame myself for that.

    So anyway, she's gotten the diabetes under much better control over the last few years. Having the pump has played a major role in that department. It seemed like that was going to extend her time even more, but now this? It's like mother nature has some kind of sick joke.

    I don't blame God. I'm not mad at God. God has nothing to do with this. I do hope that He doesn't plan on calling on her to come home anytime soon though.

    I know we all have to die some day. I know parents are supposed to go before children. I know that she is spiritually prepared for it and looks forward to the day when she arrives in Heaven. There's no doubt in my mind that if she died tomorrow that's where she'd be. Maybe that's why the threat of cancer doesn't seem to bother her that much, but it really bothers me.

    Here's another selfish reason I have. I've been married for almost 12 years now (got married REALLY young), but I don't have any children yet. We've put it off for one reason or another along the way, but are closer than ever to throwing our excuses not to out the window and taking the plunge. The thought of not having my mom meet my children here on earth is terrifying to me. I feel like maybe I have made a huge mistake by waiting so long to have children. I want nothing more than to have my mom around when I have children. I think part of me has even waited to have them, because I really would like to live closer to home, so I could just hop in the car with the kids to go see Mom at the drop of a hat.

    I live two tanks of gas away from her, so that's not possible.

    Still, I feel like I should have done it by now. I need her. That's exactly it. I need her. I might be 30 years old, but I need my mother.
  8. RossLT

    RossLT Guest

    Re: Prayers Needed

    I will hold a good thought for you KG.

    As much as my mom and I argue and get on each others nerves, when she was in the hospital for three days with what the doctors thought was pancreatic cancer, I cried the whole time. I couldn't sleep, eat, work or do anything except lay on my bed and cry. I don't know what I would do without my mom.

    I hope all turns out for the best.
  9. wicked

    wicked Well-Known Member

    Re: Prayers Needed

    KG, it is about you, too -- your fears, your pain, your concern.

    As much as you want to maintain a brave face for her, do not bottle it all up. That's what really messes with your head.

    I'll say a prayer for you and pass along some good thoughts.
  10. kingcreole

    kingcreole Active Member

    Re: Prayers Needed

    Hang in there KG. Definitely will be in my thoughts.
  11. outofplace

    outofplace Well-Known Member

    Re: Prayers Needed

    KG, I'll keep a good thought for you and for her.

    Don't feel bad about making this about you for a second. This is scary and it is hard. It is important to be there for your mother, to be whatever she needs you to be. That isn't always easy. Just do the best that you can and make sure she knows you love her and you're there for her. There are many people here who understand what you are going through and I know many of us are willing to help.
  12. Lugnuts

    Lugnuts Well-Known Member

    Re: Prayers Needed

    I'm so sorry, KG. I know A LOT of breast cancer survivors. It isn't always easy, though. Be as strong as you can for your mom. Prayers headed your way.
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