The Best Quotes You Couldn't Use

ummm, KnightHawk, am i missing something or what? Bison Dele's quote makes sense to me from a guy on a losing team.........

My contribution:

D-II football coach, after a stunning loss.

"I don't know what the fuck to do except go home and fuck my wife or shit in my hat. And I'd rather go shit in my hat right now."

Same guy, same game:

"My fucking quarterback could air it out a little fucking more if he wasn't banging his girlfriend more than i wish he would."


we couldn't get that shit in the paper, but we sure did love that coach.............

 

Hard-ass female volleyball coach on her girls team that fell apart at the end of a match and lost:

"They gotta go balls to the wall and they couldn't."

 

Major-league lefty reliever Steve Kline, who shit the bed on a day it was probably 120 degrees on the field. Sweating profusely, couldn't get a grip on the ball:

"It was so hot, it was like two mice fuck-wording in a wool sock."


Still makes me laugh.

 

From a friend who interviewed a football coach preparing to face a school exclusively for deaf kids:

"I've got to be honest, we're going into this game blind."

 

PCL playoff game. Rick Lancelotti has two doubles, a homer, something like 5 or 6 RBI. Opposing manager Ed Nottle is asked about him:
"What do you want me to say about Lancelotti? He just ripped our fucking tits off."
Sorta fell apart after you cleaned it up

 

A friend sent me this one awhile back:

“When it is your time of the month, swing a lighter bat,” Ralph Raymond, Coach, New England Riptides and former USA Olympic Coach.

 

My co-worker in Florida got this one from a football coach who was in charge of the area's worst football team. At one point, they had 17 folks left out of an original 26 on the roster.

"I don't know if this is hell, but I can sure see it from here."

 

I once covered a HS football game where the winning team scored two touchdowns on trick plays and escaped with a one-point win when the other team missed a field goal in the last few seconds. The winning coach said, "We were luckier than a man with two dicks."

Another game, different coach, his team just lost and he's talking about the game. All of a sudden he's looking over at the team bus, which just pulled up in an area it shouldn't have been in, and he just goes, "Well, we didn't play well tonight. We made a lot of ... awww, what the fuck is that stupid bus driver doing there!?

 

Maybe, but I'd never mention in a story that Joe Secondbase didn't too a great job or could have scored more because he was grossly overweight. This girl was a terrific softball player who just happened to be teetering near 300 pounds. She could do an amazing split when needed at first base too.

 

That visual just made me gag.

 

This one cracked me up, with tears, for about 11 minutes.

 

you could have used that.... there's nothing sexual about "balls"... it's a phrase from navy pilots pushing their fighter jets to full throttle, with the ball of the throttle stick being pushed all the way to the front and hitting the wall of the plane's console.... thus balls to the wall