The Best (North) American SJ.com Writing of 2008 (please submit entries)

As the year closes -- and because we must continue to find new and interesting ways to take our cyber nerdiness to greater heights -- I thought it might be fun to compliment the annual Moddy Awards with a literary recognition of some of the brilliant malodorous swill that is churned out here each year.

Thus, may this post give birth to the first annual? Best (North) American SportsJournalists.com Writing anthology.

Frustrated by your repeated failed attempts to make it into the Best American Sports Writing anthology, published each year by Houghton Mifflin? Well, this is your chance to be the literary envy of your (cyber) peers. Instead of recognizing your overall body of work, we at BNASJW seek to recognize your rare flashes of brilliance, those perfect posts buried in threads almost long gone, the ones where you succeeded in backhanding a troll, inspiring a young journalist to keep up the fight, or made the crowd belly ache with laugher by writing parodies of Chris Berman's monologues.

Anyone who posts on SportsJournalists.com is eligible.

As with BASW, we cannot possibly read everything posted during the course of a year, so we seek guidance from you and ask you to please submit your favorites, including your own work, for recognition. The entries will be trimmed down and then turned over to a guest editor, who will then make the final selections.

The submission process can be completely anonymous if you like. Just send a PM to this handle. Or, if you like, post a link on this thread. There are no categories, but entries must recognize the work of a single poster on a single thread. If you wish to improve the chances of having your post considered, please provide a link to the appropriate thread. Submissions like "There were some good ones in that Sexual Harassment thread, but you'd have to look it up..." will most likely be discarded. Again, please do not hesitate to submit your own entries if you wish to be considered. No one will know who submitted it but you and me.

Again, this is not a vote for Member of the Year, Post of the Year, Thread of a Year, all-rookie team, etc. Those will be covered, as usual, but the Moddy Awards.


Thank you, and best of luck. Our army of literary giants has already begun compiling possible candidates. The winners will be announced at some point in January.

 

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/threads/44034/

Shut down the nominations, now.

 

Unfortunately, that entire thread is from 2007.

Submisison FAIL.

 

We're pretty new at this.

 

Here are a few submissions:
http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/1627615/

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/1628406/

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/1629794/

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/1631768/

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/1620435/

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/1620469/

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/1620724/

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/1623322/

Just a few posts that moved me, including a couple of posts I made that moved others.

 

No anthology will be complete this year unless it has writing irish's Devil Went Down to Georgia/McCain parody.

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/2047046/

 

This was spawned as an ode to spnited for his birthday. Zeke is the final author with help from many of us, and which kept me giggling well into the hour of the pearl.

THE GRUMPTY GRUMP

All right!
Stop whatcha postin'
'cause I'm about to coast in
and talk some shit about Tom Seaver.
I look funny
and I ain't makin' money see
so yo SportsJournalists.com I hope you're ready for me.
Now gather round
I'm the new fool in town
and my sound's laid down by the Underground.
I'll drink the bottle of Geritol you got on your shelf
So just let me introduce myself
My name is spnited, pronounced with the -ited
And, yo ladies, oh how I likes to go to bed.
And all the posters in the top ten--please allow me to bump thee.
I'm steppin' tall, y'all,
and just like Humpty Dumpty
you're gonna fall when the reply button pumps me.
I like to whine,
I like my verbiage crusty,
I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.
I'm sick wit dis, straight old guy smack
but sometimes I get ridiculous
I'll post about the Met pen until you say ick
hey yo Beej, c'mere--are ya ticklish?
Yeah, I called ya Beej.
Look at me, I'm Old.
It never stopped me from gettin' told no.
I'm a freak
I like my girls with one foot in the tomb
I once edited copy in a Burger King bathroom
I'm crazy.
Allow me to amaze thee.
They say I'm bitter but it just don't faze me.
I'm still hiking up my old man pants
and I even got my own dance

The Spnited Dance is your chance to do the grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, come on and do the Grumpty Grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, just watch me do the Grumpty Grump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Grumpty Grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, do the Grumpty Grump

People say "Yo, Spnited, you're really cranky gramps'"
that's all right 'cause I own you whippersnaps'
Ya stare, ya glare, ya constantly try to confuse me
I still don't know what the cat pictures mean
I give 'em more, see, and on the board, BYH,
all the girls they adore me
Oh yes, posters, I'm really bein' sincere
'cause in 69 the Boys of Summer really tickled my rear.
My nose is big, uh-uh I'm not ashamed
Big like a pica pole, I'm still not gettin' paid
I get laid by the ladies, ya know I'm in charge,
both how I'm livin' and my prostate is large
I get stoopid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid,
I use a screen name that don't mean nothin', like spnited
I post on the baseball thread,
and if you missed it.
I'm the one who said
"Johan Santana sucks hind tit."
Also told ya that I like to whine
Well, yeah, I guess it's obvious, I also like early bird dinner time.
All ya had to do was give Grumpty a chance
and now I'm gonna do my dance.

The Spnited Dance is your chance to do the grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, come on and do the Grumpty Grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, just watch me do the Grumpty Grump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Grumpty Grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, do the Grumpty Grump

Breakdown:
Oh, yeah, that's the break, y'all
Let me hear a little bit of that "new record' right here
Oh, yeah!
Now that I told ya a little bit about myself
let me tell ya a little bit about this dance
It's real easy to do--check it out

First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin' and twitchin' kinda like Willie Randolph waving to the pen
Crazy wack funky
People say ya look like Aaron Heilman on crack, Grumpty
That's all right 'cause my old body's in motion
It's supposed to look like a fit or a convulsion
Anyone can post my name
This is my dance, y'all, Grumpty Grump's my name
No two people will do it the same
Ya got it down when ya appear to have arthritis pains
Humpin', funkin', jumpin',
jig around, shakin' ya rump,
and when the Simon chump pump points a finger like a stump
tell him step off, I'm doin' the Grump.

The Spnited Dance is your chance to do the grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, come on and do the Grumpty Grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, just watch me do the Grumpty Grump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Grumpty Grump
Do the Grumpty Grump, do the Grumpty Grump

Salary cap advocates, do the Grumpty Hump, do the Grumpty Grump
Flyover Fools, do the Grumpty Grump, do the Grumpty Grump
Springsteen fans, do the Grumpty Grump, just keep on doin' the Grump
Middle-aged divorcees, do the Grumpty Grump, do the Grumpty Grump
Let's get stoopid!

Oh, yeah, come on and break it down
Outro:
Once again, SportsJournalists.com is in the house
I'd like to send a shout out to Tahoe,
keep on doin' the Grumpty Dance,
and to the ladies,
peace and Grumpiness forever

 

Were the 40 commandments from Double Down in 2007 or 08?

 

I believe that was jgmacg, actually. I'm honored to be confused with such a mensch though.

And it seems it did come in 2007.

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/1391237/

However, it would be a crying shame if Mr. jgmacg's work here were not included in this volume:

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/posts/2131637/

 

On the favorite TV principals thread, I really loved Mikey's post:

 

Some excellent ones already. Please feel free to send them via PM, especially if you're too shy to toot your own horn.

 

I'm surprised the thread with the 40 lived.

And something from the Favorite Fart Stories thread has to be in there.