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The Best First Sentence of a Story I've read this year

Discussion in 'Journalism topics only' started by heyabbott, Apr 28, 2007.

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  1. blondebomber

    blondebomber Member

    So can we agree that this first sentence clearly is not the best first sentence
    It was wrong to ask why the cell phones were ringing?

    It was wrong to ask why the cell phones were in their pockets?

    The sentence was terribly written and the line was stolen. Other than that, it was a great lead.
     
    blondebomber, Apr 30, 2007
    #13
  2. Montezuma's Revenge

    Montezuma's Revenge Active Member

    Good idea for the first sentence, lousy execution. Clumsily worded, confusing, and clunked up with passive voice.
     
    Montezuma's Revenge, Apr 30, 2007
    #14
  3. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    so bomber and I agree on something?
     
    Ace, Apr 30, 2007
    #15
  4. jakewriter82

    jakewriter82 Active Member

    Would've worked better if right after that it said, ...And you will know us by why the trail of cellphones are ringing in the pockets of the dead.
     
    jakewriter82, Apr 30, 2007
    #16
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