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The Best First Sentence of a Story I've read this year

Discussion in 'Journalism topics only' started by heyabbott, Apr 28, 2007.

  1. heyabbott

    heyabbott Well-Known Member

    The rest of the story only gets better.
  2. MonitorLizard

    MonitorLizard Member

    That's a haunting image, the cell phones ringing as they carried the bodies out. Heart-rending. What an intense thing to lead with.
  3. Frank_Ridgeway

    Frank_Ridgeway Well-Known Member

    Willie Nile has a great song on the 2006 Streets of New York CD called "Cell Phones Ringing (In The Pockets of The Dead)." When I heard it, I thought it was about 9/11, but I heard him interviewed and he said it's about the 2004 train bombing in Madrid.

  4. blueview

    blueview Member

    Simply a chilling statement. It immediately draws you in.
  5. Frank_Ridgeway

    Frank_Ridgeway Well-Known Member

    Nile said there was a headline in a newspaper that said "Cellphones Ringing in the Pockets of the Dead" and that's where the title came from. So this has been done before.

  6. CapeCodder

    CapeCodder Member

    Yikes. That really is a great lede.
  7. forever_town

    forever_town Well-Known Member

    That is a great, haunting lede.

    Until I read that, I was convinced the best lede I'd seen was, "Your cat kicked the bucket yesterday. The economy is souring, your baby’s daddy skipped town and no matter how often you listen to “SexyBack,” Justin Timberlake is never going to date you."

    While that lede was funny, the bit about the cell phones ringing trumps it.
  8. OrangeGrad

    OrangeGrad Member

    Why can't I write like that? Wow.
  9. zagoshe

    zagoshe Well-Known Member

    It is a great lede and a well written paragraph. And it did draw me in because I figured it was going to be a well reported and written account of what occurred that day.

    Unfortunately the story quickly falls apart and turns into another bed-wetting, knee-jerk dissertation about how evil guns are and frankly, there is nothing original or interesting about that subject.

    In fact, it bores the hell out of me.

    The fact that it started so strong and turned into that crap so quickly reminds me of a lot of the major league career of Kevin Maas -- I think he hit like 20 home runs in his 80 games in the bigs and finished his career with like a total of 35 as he went from phenom (and heir apparent to Don Mattingly) to journeyman to out of the league in a few seasons......
  10. blondebomber

    blondebomber Member

    You can. Just find a line you like somewhere else and steal it like this guy did.
  11. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    I diagree. When I read the sentence I didn't know what the writer meant.

    Ask why what?

    It took several sentences to figure out "why" was why the shooting happened.

    But that doesn't have anything to do with the cell phones ringing and no one was stopping folks from asking why. You may get a dirty look or no answer, but you could still ask.

    So it didn't work for me.
  12. Big Chee

    Big Chee Active Member

    Anyone that could compare that piece to the strictly pull hitting Kevin Mass who came in with a bang and quickly died off deserves an applause.
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