The Areas of My Expertise

High school sports, computer geekdom, obscure 80s pop, good food, never getting lost while driving.

 

Can I put you on retainer for the four times a week I get lost?

 

I think I'll echo shot on the never getting lost. I seem to have some internal GPS/compass thingy and I can find my way anywhere. Of course, the address system in my neck of the woods makes it so no one with a brain can get lost.

And, according to one of my editors, I'm the master of turning a meaningless quote or stat from a press release into a 10-15 inch localized, zone-edition puff piece story. It's a skill I'm not sure will ever really do much for me other than get me some worthless bylines in our weekly zoned community news editions.

 

Nothing.

I can't even claim masturbation like Fen and the Pope. I'm not coordinated enough to get the hand motion right. Injuries ensue, it's not pretty

God I suck at life.

 

How sad is it, really, that wanking is an area of expertise for someone who claims to be married?

 

Failing as the designated driver, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, My So-Called Life, high school sports in my area, Indigo Girls, talking about Dr. J, sleeping, being underpaid, the giftware department at Marshalls, Homicide: Life on the Street, getting spanked by dooley, 90s music, Tiger Woods 2006, asking my mom for money, spending too much money on clothes, Nip/Tuck and, um, obsessing about my weight.

That reminds me, I'm hungry.

 

Well ... we know that technology has made those pipe cleaners, pound for pound, the strongest little suckers on the planet.

My areas: Music (many kinds, but shoutouts to Genesis and solo spinoffs, Rush, Billy Joel and a few others), Carolina Panthers, Carolina Hurricanes, Atlantic Coast Conference men's and women's basketball, John Feinstein books, being a designated driver, being an insane neat freak and a loner.

Wow ... TMI. : 8)

 

Jam bands (including the much-maligned DMB), fly-fishing, hunting, home remodeling, bartending, the Steelers, making smart-alec comments, grilling and Birkenstocks.

 

1. Porno (early '70s to early 90's)
2. All things Star Wars
3. Comic books
4. Satisfying women (despite my top 3 answers ).

 

Movie trivia (especially the films of Quentin Tarantino), poker theory and practice, love making ... isn't that all that is important?

 

Comparing newspaper rule lines, obsessing about large, numeric headlines, and creating the perfect full-page cutout.

 

Hockey, I-AA football, Philadelphia sports exept the 76ers, poker, Pink Floyd, 70s and 80s television, The Monkees, Homicide, SlapShot.