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The Adventures of Smallpotatoes, Weirdo Magnet

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Smallpotatoes, Jan 25, 2009.

  1. Smallpotatoes

    Smallpotatoes Well-Known Member

    This afternoon, I was in a sub shop, eating lunch between basketball games. I had about two hours between games and figured I'd go to the office after eating and write a story before going to the next game.
    There are about a half-dozen people in the shop. A middle-aged guy walks in, about my age, give or take a few years, a little bigger (taller, not wider) than I am, dressed casually, but neatly. Of all the people in the place, he approaches me. He says he's a surgical nurse who needs to be at a hospital about a half-hour away for an operation. His car broke down at the Starbucks down the street and he asked if I'd give him a ride. He seems normal enough so I agree, figuring I could always do my writing later (not a deadline situation) and I'd be back in plenty of time for the next game.
    On the way there, he keeps telling me to drive faster, saying it could be a matter of life and death. He'd give me $1,000 (no big deal because he makes $100,000 a year he says).
    The things get strange. His story starts changing. It's a routine operation. Then it's a matter of life and death, then it's a hip replacement. He talks about wanting to buy a helicopter for his job. As we approach the exit on the highway for the hospital, he tells me he needs to stop to get his second car for his ride home (He tells me it's a Mazzaratti (sp?)). He's also just behaving very strangely.
    Too many parts of his story just don't add up. I was worried that if I called bullshit on him and told him to get out of the car things could get violent (as best I could tell he had no weapon on him, but I wasn't 100 percent sure). He ends up directing me to a bad area in a small city. It's 5:20. The basketball game is at 6:30. He gets out, asking me to follow him after he gets his car. I tell him at 5:30, I'm leaving, with or without him. I figured it was best to just ditch him as quietly as possible at that point so after a few minutes I left.
    After a while it became kind of obvious to me it was a junkie who needed a ride to get drugs.
    Hindsight being 20/20, I should have asked to see his hospital ID and if he didn't have it, no ride. (he also said he worked at several hospitals in the area and often had to be there at a moment's notice). I guess I gave him a ride because I've often felt that if I was ever in a tough spot and needed help from a stranger, somebody would help me.
    Giving him a ride was a stupid move on my part. Luckily all I lost was an hour of my time and a quarter tank of gas. I guess ditching him the way I did was probably the best way to go about it.
    I don't understand why out of all the people in the shop, he went to me. I've been in other situations where in a crowd of thousands, I'm the guy the people from the religious cult find. I'm surprised I never joined one.
    Do some people just have that I'll listen to anything look?
  2. imjustagirl

    imjustagirl Active Member

    I'm just surprised he found you the one week a year your car's running. :D
  3. You know that hitchhiker on the side of the road who's covered in blood? You should totally pick him up, too.

    Jeebus, man. Learn how to say no.
  4. mike311gd

    mike311gd Active Member

    I picked a $20 bill out of a Subway garbage can for a lady last week. No one behind the counter would help, so I rolled up my shirt and went to town.

    I didn't even get a free sandwich out of the deal. I'm off doing nice things.
  5. All you lost was an hour of your time. .. But you got a pretty good story.

    Chalk it up to being too damn nice, consider yourself lucky and savor re-telling this one over a few cold ones for the next 50 or so years.
  6. wicked

    wicked Well-Known Member

    SP, if you ever write a book, I'm in front of the line. You've got some great stories.
  7. spnited

    spnited Active Member

    Seriously, sma-po, try this next time:

    "I'd really like to help you but I'm working here and I just don't have the time. I gotta finish a story in an hour and then run out to anther assignment. But I could call you a cab. They can get here in like 5 minutes ..."
    Then you pick up a phone and start dialing a number, any number ... and the clown will walk away and bother someone else. ... and you won't have to worry about maybe being robbed or beaten or worse.
  8. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    So you didn't get the $1,000?

    The percentage of guys who truthfully claim to have broken down cars or cars in accidents is about 0 percent -- unless you can see the car.
  9. wicked

    wicked Well-Known Member

    Not as weird as Smallpots' tome, but...

    One night at the bar outside the office, we ran into some really weird dude. Said he was a cop in some city on the other end of the state, that his car was broken down, and he wanted a few bucks for a cab back to his car (he said he'd walked from where his car was). He offered to give us his (probably stolen) leather jacket, but the guys didn't take it, they just gave him a few bucks. I forget the rest of the story. First thing I'm thinking is, if he really was a cop, his brothers in blue would be taking care of him. Second thing I'm thinking is, who did he just rob while wearing that jacket, and how long is it before the cops come looking for us?
  10. Smallpotatoes

    Smallpotatoes Well-Known Member

    No, once I figured out it was a con, all I was concerned about was getting to the basketball game safely.
    Is this kind of a standard junkie con?
  11. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    That's some story. I expected it to end with "...and I'm the junkie and as soon as I finish making this post under this guy's screen name I'm going to gut him like a fish and eat his insides."

    Not to threadjack Taters' thread, but this reminds me of something that happened to me last week. I was at an out-of-state gas station late one night when a guy in a beat-up truck pulls up and motions at me. I figure he's looking for directions. No. He's looking for money.

    "My brother-in-law is in a hospital in Maine and I need gas money to get up there to see him," he says. "I'll even give you my watch."

    Now this gave me serious pause, because, well, I know all about visiting sick family members in the hospital lately. And I honestly wondered, for a moment, if it was the God whose existence I seriously doubt telling me that someone has it worse than my family. At least I can afford to visit my mom. This poor guy is several states away and driving a beat-up truck on "E."

    If I had any cash, I would have given it to him and been willing to write it off if he's just a junkie. Alas, I was filling up on the debit card and had no bills on me. I apologized, told him I was in town visiting my hospitalized mom and that I wished I could help. He said thanks and went to the guy at the pump across from me.

    Think he was telling the truth? I lean towards no, but it seemed pretty believable. If he was lying, that's pretty fucking cynical.
  12. Point of Order

    Point of Order Active Member

    Probably not. You could've offered to swipe your card for the guy, no?

    I swiped a card for a guy to get gas once (not sure if that's what he really wanted or not) and got scammed out of $20 from a lady with a good sob story another time.

    What did I learn? Be discerning about where you stop for gas.
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