The absolute worst small talk EVER

Didn't Buick do a version of that joke where the parents talk to their kid about how they named their kids based on where they were conceived, and this one kid had the name of the car they were riding in?

In that same vein, there was a girls high school basketball player in my hometown, first name of ... Chevette.

 

Oh, yeah, the girl whose parents were contortionists in the circus

 

Tebow, that reminds me, years ago I was idly purusing the bins at the HMV store on Yonge St. in downtown Toronto when the guy I was with (a notorious jokester) says, quite innocently, but loud enough for too many people to hear: "Hey, did you ever get that Peter North Penis Enlarger you sent away for?"

 

I'm pretty sure this thread could end right now and it would have reached epic status for good advice, hilarious stories and total awkwardness.

 

Day before Thanksgiving, my wife is at TJ's perusing the cheese and cold cuts when she hears a couple behind her go, "I dunno, let's ask her, she looks like she'd be fun" and then the guy says loud enough for my wife to hear, in her general direction but not actually to her: "I wonder which one of those cheeses is the spiciest one, cause you can't get enough spice in life!" Yep, that's what he actually said. When my wife ignored him, his wife goes, "Well, I guess she's not interested, which is too bad cause she looks like a feisty one!" at which point my wife, now completely creeped out, heads for the frozen food aisle.

 

Weird. The cheese line usually works.

 

Did you and your wife have better luck with the next comely lass to saunter your way, Ace?

 

We favor feisty.

 

Don't count on BYH, that's a tough nut to crack

 

Doesn't recognize subtlety, either.

 

Topics not appropriate for chit-chat:
1. Marital aids
2. You mother's extramarital affair with Buck Owens that led to your father's suicide.

 

I don't want to hear about your fucking thesis, either. [/crossthreading]