The absolute worst small talk EVER

So I'm at the pharmacy--that shining beacon to the inefficiency and inadequacy of the American health care system, we're no. 18, we're no. 18!!!!--waiting at 7 pm last night for medication that was supposed to be ready at 3:30. I hear someone behind the counter say my last name so I move up to the line. A few seconds later, some dude who was perusing the "family planning" section comes up to me and says he was in line before me. I am just too disgusted with the process to argue with him, so I step aside.

In doing so, I notice that he is holding what can best be described as a "mutual self-help" device a man would use with a lady, and vice versa. It's not something I'd buy in a pharmacy full of coughing, impatient, mostly weird people, but hey, maybe he's horned up and has the wife ready to go at home. I dunno.

So we're standing there for a few more seconds when he turns to me.

"You ever try this?" he says and points to it.



I briefly thought about telling him about my quick trigger reputation and how I just don't have time for something like that, or quite frankly the need. Readiness = not an issue for me. I also thought about yelling "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ASKING ME THAT?!" but chose restraint.

"No," I said. "But good luck to you."

Then thankfully my name was called and I was outta there. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people? Next time just prattle on about the rain coming tomorrow and how we had no fall. Shit.

 

I predict epic status for this thread. I cannot wait to see where this one goes...

 

Sure he wasn't trying to pick you up, BYH?

 

Had my order not been ready eight seconds later, I might have found out.

 

What IS it with you anyway, beej?

 

Bitch BYH should've thrown a rock at the guy. [/crossthreading, I think]

 

It worked great, by the way

 

I have a similar yet unrelated gripe. I don't know when they started doing it, but a local pharmacy now locks up the items in its family planning aisle like it's the video game cabinet at Wal-Mart.
As if going to buy condoms wasn't awkward enough, now you have to ask the clerk to unlock the damn case for you.



ETA: I opened this thread thinking the title was "worst smack talk ever" and the enclosed picture really piqued my curiosity.

 

Tell that guy to get the latest edition of this magazine:

 

*Still laughing so hard I can barely type ... *

 

The town I grew up in, you could get condoms for free at the courthouse, no questions asked. They had a little bowl of them, like candy, at the main desk. I'm not sure who supplied them but we sure as hell took advantage

 

What fortuitous timing.