The 2007 SJ Anyone-Can-Do-This Summer Novel--Beta Version

"Just a sec, Walt," she said, realizing for the first time how madly erotic the smell of downtown Tirana was.

 

"Listen," Walt said, "the pressroom guys don't have time for our crap anymore."

 

He dropped what appeared to be a glob of industrial strength spittle down one lapel and reached for the bag of Cheetos that was never far from him.

 

His thoughts rattled in his head like a BB in an empty tuna can.

 

"Why can't everyone see that he didn't do it," he yelled outloud, regretting it as soon as the USC Marching Band started practice in his hungover melon of a head. "He was innocent. Can't everyone leave him alone?"

 

"Did I just say that out loud?" he said out loud.

 

"Christ," he added, "someone get a video camera. I'll tape myself proving it to everyone and link it on YouTube."

 

These delusions and outbursts and inappropriate episodes had persisted for years - a result, his doctor told him, of an excess of partially hydrogenated oils in his diet, and a deficiency of simple family love in his childhood

 

The grunting came from behind the third bathroom stall, and his loins began to tingle.

 

Suddenly, the door flew open -- this was no ordinary bathroom stall; rather, it one of those quarter-million buck fancy ones that allows occupants to stay inside for only a short time before the door opens to discourage man-sex in the can.

 

Good lord.....was that....it was.....Dan Patrick!

 

Glenda, who could no longer countenance Walter's paranoid delusions and Cheeto-fueled hallucinations, reached across the desk and shook him, hard, saying "Snap out of it Walt, your're not in the men's room, you're in the office and Dan Patrick just walked in - or is it Dan Jenkins, I always get the two confused."