That quirky thing about yourself that no one knows...

Doesn't everyone talk to dogs like they are humans? The Bob Dylan voice thing is weird, although can't possibly be as annoying as those who use baby talk.

I don't think talking to my horses like they are humans is a quirk, either.

This goes beyond quirk and anyone who knows me IRL knows this - I hate human babies.

(The best was when my horse trainer told me she was pregnant. After telling me that nothing was going to change - which was funny enough all by itself - she said "Don't worry, you'll never have to touch it.")

 

Nope.

Wouldn't want them to drink milk either. Many people are idiots and can't stop the milk mustache. And that grosses me out.

 

One of which you keep in a jar on your nightstand.

 

I drive two blocks out of my way to get to my apartment complex because that route has nicer houses and it makes me feel better about where I live.

 

I went to an open mike in 1997 and destroyed by doing three minutes of Droopy the Dog. The owner of the comedy club then invited me to an amateur contest and I finished third without uttering a single word in my regular voice.

 

I've heard your regular voice. Doing the character was a wise call.

 

Funniest line this week.

 

I had my gall bladder out earlier this year, but like George Jones and Tammy Wynette, I'm gonna hooooooolllllllld on.

 

Wishful thinking, Bubbler. Every few months, your digestive system is going to say "Fuck it," and you're going to have a busy day.

 

I feel compelled to say hello to every bird I see on my drive to work. Out loud.

 

To pile on the bowel movement topics, I will drive across town to take a load off at my own place so I can avoid dropping a deuce at a friend's/in-law's place. I even would leave my girlfriend's (before I upgraded her status) to drop a load. If I can't drive home and can't hold it, then all bets are off. And you better have a plunger on hand.

 

I say hello to every raptor I see flying. "Hello, Mr. Hawk!"

I also talk to humans like they are dogs.