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Thank you, Sen. Kerry. Now STFU!

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by terrier, Mar 3, 2008.

  1. terrier

    terrier Well-Known Member

    Friday night's big show (Providence Newspaper Guild Follies) went pretty well - I didn't fall off the stage or blow any lines, mercifully. Before getting to the big-name guests, a summary of my night's activities:
    * Follies' Greatest Hits: Some short stuff that didn't quite lend itself to full sketches or songs (thank you, Patriots, for ensuring my solo was cut out of the number).
    * A sendup of Pink Floyd's "The Wall," based on the arrogrant twit Rhode Island's only school used to be named after. He dropped the N-word in a board meeting, and when three members (including the board's only two women) went to the press about it, he had the women booted off the board.
    * "I-Way to Hell," a tribute to the relocated I-195 in Providence with a hat tip to AC/DC. We wore devil's capes and masks and used prop steering wheels (the mask saved the audience from seeing me nearly crack up like Jimmy Fallon when I went to flip off the highway workers behind us and saw them swinging their flags at each other).
    * "Blame Single Moms" (c'mon, you know where THAT came from), about one of Gov. Carcieri's favorite scapegoats for the state budget crisis. We had one of our female cast members strut around in a fake maternity dress, carrying a baby doll, yakking on a cell phone and smoking a (stage prop) fatty, and at the very end. she collapsed and raised up another doll from between her legs as we hit the final notes. Inspired sickness.
    The show's closer, with the entire cast, pilfered Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water" and was written by our director, who in his 50s still belts with a local hard rock bar band (and looks the part). I love any number that gives me an opportunity to whip out the air guitar on stage.
    Marvelous cast, terrific crew, awesome band...we put on one helluva show for Rhode Island's movers and shakers at the Venus de Milo in Swansea, Mass. Because most of, if not all, of R.I.'s 10 Democratic superdelegates were in the hall...
    Chelsea Clinton came out to do some politicking prior to dinner and the show. She definitely needed Secret Service protection the way our officeholding fanboys and fangirls were slobbering all over her. Let's just say the Limbaugh jibes about her looks are a bit outdated.
    And finally...the John Kerry cameo. The senator from France was not our official mystery guest - that was state Attorney General (and ex-Brown hoops star) Patrick Lynch, who closed the evening with a fun bit involving his lifelong Spider-Man fandom and his backing Obama while his brother, the state Dem chairman, backs Hillary.
    Backstage was already pretty hot and crowded before Kerry and his aides entered from the kitchen. I'll admit, the first five minutes or so, Kerry killed ("Fred Thompson couldn't be here because he had to help his wife with her homework. And John McCain, well, he dated the Venus de Milo.").
    We started to wonder when he was getting off the stage, though. And then, he launched into classic boilerplate stump speech for Obama, which went on until a couple of tables of Hillary supporters heckled him, finally shaming him into departing after 17 minutes at the podium. It was kind of an unprecedented situation for us (the guests are usually at the close of the show, and we kind of bent to Kerry's schedule - this will be discussed, I'm sure, before next year's show). If I were in the band, I'd have played his candy arse offstage.
    It basically killed the crowd, and it took a couple of numbers to get it back. They did pop pretty well for the Hans & Franz bit lampooning Sens. Sheldon Whitehouse and Jack Reed (who's getting some pretty good run for the VP slot, though he's not interested) - the kind of gloriously tasteless but hysterically funny bit the wakes up a crowd lulled by plenty of alcohol and the Venus' notorious buffet (Mrs. T. and I could live on their baked scrod and barbecued beef).
    I better stop now before I become Kerry.
  2. jboy

    jboy Guest

  3. GBNF

    GBNF Active Member

  4. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

    Only in Providence
  5. terrier

    terrier Well-Known Member

    Put it this way: Now I fully understand why the majority of voters four years ago thought Kerry was a putz. I'm still voting for Obama tomorrow, but if I were registered to vote in Massachusetts, he'd have lost my vote permanently the same way Patrick Kennedy's lost mine.
  6. Herbert Anchovy

    Herbert Anchovy Active Member


    Hoping you're all have a fooftastic Easter season.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  7. Football_Bat

    Football_Bat Well-Known Member

    I've never experienced the Farkleberry Follies, but I've been told it's a rollicking good bollicking.
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