Texas Naked Twisterers: Don't shove morality down our throats.

DUNCANVILLE, Texas (AP) -- The most popular address on Cedar Ridge Drive is Jim Trulock's split-level home, which has a group sex room and attracts as many as 100 people to swinger parties featuring "Naked Twister" nights.


Duncanville city officials met recently to outlaw sex clubs in residential areas.

But the festivities could soon be over. In response to neighbors' complaints, the city has outlawed sex clubs in residential areas. Citations have been issued, and search warrants may be next.

"It's crazy that they want to force their morality down our throats," said Dawn Burton, 45, a regular guest at the parties. "We're all frustrated."

 

Four down, twelve to go . . . Miss Francis?

"Shoving, or forcing?"

 

If the home owner isn't charging admission, is it technically a club? If he's letting them in for free, how is that different than a Tupperware party or Bible study? (Aside from the sex, of course.)

 

"Left hand, blue!"

 

Homer: You could close down Moe's
Or the Kwik-E-Mart
And nobody would care!
But the heart and soul
Of Springfield's in
Our Maison Derriere!

[music starts]

Belle: We're the sauce on your steak,
We're the cheese in your cake,
We put the spring in Springfield.

Dancing Girl 1: We're the lace on the nightgown,

Dancing Girl 2: The point after touchdown,

Belle and Dancing Girls: Yes we put the spring in Springfield.

Belle: We're that little extra spice
That makes existence extra-nice,
A giddy little thrill
At a reasonable price.

Lovejoy: Our only major quarrel's
With your total lack of morals.

Dancing Girl 3: Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad,

Dancing Girl 4: They seem to entertain your dad!

Belle and Dancing Girls: The gin in your martini,
The clams on your linguine,
Yes we keep the
[Belle flicks Bumblebee Man's antenna]
In Springfield!

Wiggum, Krusty & Skinner: We remember our first visit,

Mayor Quimby: The service was exquisite!

Mrs Quimby: Why Joseph, I had no idea!

Mayor Quimby: Come on now, you were working here!

Grampa and Jasper: Without it we'd have had no fun
Since March of 1961!

Bart: To shut it down now would be twisted,

Jimbo, Dolph & Kearney: We just heard this place existed!

Dancing Girls: We're the highlights in your hairdo,

Apu: The extra arms on Vishnu,

Dancing Girls: So don't take the
[Barney opens a jack-in-the-box]

Mob: We won't take the
[Sideshow Mel blows on his slide-whistle]

Everyone: Yes let's keep the
[Moe crashes two garbage can lids together]
In Springfield!

 

George, [at Monk's with Jerry]: "So she coughed."

Jerry: "Coughing... naked... It's a turn-off, man."

George: "Everything goes with naked."

Jerry: "When you cough, there are thousands of unseen muscles that suddenly
spring into action. It's like watching that fat guy catch a cannonball in his
stomach in slow motion."

George: "Oh, you spoiled, spoiled man. Do you now how much mental energy I
expend just trying to picture women naked?"

Jerry: "But the thing you don't realize is that there's good naked and bad
naked. Naked hair brushing, good; naked crouching, bad. Hey, there's Hanke."

 

Doug Heffernan went to the store the other day and picked up Twister, you know, just in case Carrie wanted to play Naked Twister. It's a good thing they live in New York.

 

I bet a lot of those folks don't need much shoved down their throats.

 

That, or they like having things shoved down their throats.

 

That's quality work, Beej.

I take back all of the bad things I said about you.



This morning.

 

You like that, Zeke? ...

 

I'm nominating Duncanville Texas for the next SportsJournalists.com get together....