Terrorists postpone U.S. attack...

The Onion strikes again. Great stuff.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/after_5_years_in_u_s_terrorist

We remain wholly committed to the destruction of America, the Great Satan," al-Sharif said. "But now is not a good time for us. The season finale of Lost was such a cliff- hanger that we have to at least catch the first episode of the new season. After that, though, death to the infidels."

"Probably," added al-Sharif, who noted that his nearly $6,000 in credit-card debt from recent purchases of a 52-inch HDTV and a backyard gas grill prevents him from buying needed materials for the attack.

 

"... that soulful infidel Chris Daughtry"

Heh.

 

Weren't they previously waiting to find out what happened in the final Sopranos?

Those wacky terrorists. Too damn lazy to terrorize.

 

Go ahead, JR. Laugh all you want. You just keep thinking the very real and constant terrorist threat is a joke. We'll see if you Canuckistanis are laughing when they hit CN Tower.

 

I'd rather they hit Skydome.

 

amazing article, especially:

"Though the members of the cell said that they "live only to spill the blood of crusaders who oppress Muslims," they cited additional reasons for the delay, including an unexpired free Netflix trial and nagging lower-back pain"

Onion is one of my favorite publications. I have a daily headline calendar on my desk. A few days ago, it read: Bush to Iraqi Militants: Please Stop Bringing it On"

 

I wish I could get a subscription to them, but once my kids start reading, forget it.

 

"Don't get me wrong, I totally wish swift and painful death to all American pigs, especially that jerk [general manager] Dave [Landis]," al-Tantawi said. "But I'm no longer the new guy—why bust my ass all day long anymore? When I get home after a day at work, I don't savor staying up all night designing dirty-bomb triggering mechanisms like I did when I first got here. Sometimes I just want to pop in a CD by that soulful infidel Chris Daughtry and relax."

 

More greatness:

Pac-Man Jones: 'I Will Be Nowhere Near Next Friday's Strip-Club Stabbing'
LOS ANGELES—Suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam "Pac-Man" Jones called a press conference Tuesday in order to emphasize that he will be nowhere near a possibly fatal stabbing that will occur during a fight involving several members of his entourage and the bartender at an L.A.–area strip club this coming Friday.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/pac_man_jones_i_will_be_nowhere