Telling friends they could lose a few pounds?

The only thing worse than someone telling me I am fat (duh) is someone pretending like I am not.

 

Be a dick and tell them. It is always fun to point out the problems of others.

 

Offer to pay for their lap band surgery. That's putting your money where your mouth is!

 

This is why this is an interesting discussion. Everybody has mirrors and are aware of if they want/need to shed a few pounds. But that doesn't mean everybody is self-motivated enough to do it. Even if you are aware, sometimes it takes a comment or advice from a friend to resonate and spur some change

 

Needing to lose 10 pounds isn't a real health issue.
Needing to lose 75 pounds is a health issue.

I wouldn't want a friend telling me I needed to lose weight, work out, wear a motorcycle helmet, change my eating habits or tie my shoes.

 

My best friend and I are like Pringle and his friends: we do discuss things like this. Neither of us are "overweight" but we are the exact same body type (exact same height AND size, which is somewhat freaky) and we do discuss ways to keep weight off (when you're 5'0, it's extremely difficult) and different things to do at the gym that work better for both of us.

One thing I haven't seen mentioned on this thread (and it might be extremely apt if they do have heart or blood pressure problems or a history of them) is to recommend healthier eating choices. It doesn't have to be REALLY obvious, just have your wife recommend some tasty things that you guys have tried in the past that are healthy. My friends and I are constantly swapping recipes so it might be a way to at least try to give them some advice without shoving it in their face (like the invitation to join you at the gym).

 

I know this is going to come off as harsh, but I certainly don't mean it that way, I just don't understand the need to ask us for advice while continually defending yourself. . .

1. You keep saying this to tell those of us who would not say anything that we don't understand your relationship with this guy/girl. If you are sure you have a better handle on things in your circle of friends, then why are you asking for advice?

2. Just because something may be true doesn't always mean it is your place to point it out. The likelihood of your friend resenting you for bringing it up, no matter how you go about it, is likely higher than them being thankful.

3. You don't seem like the kind of person who has problems with weight gain, otherwise it would be rather hypocritical of you to point this out. But you may have problems with other things that your friend has a handle on personally. How would you feel if he lectured you on those things?

 

This mischaracterizes my posts, I think. When I respond that way, it is usually to a comment like, "How would you like if he questioned the way you spend your money?" And I explain that would be fine. I mean, we're not neandrathals. We're socialized people who know how to mitigate our language around difficult topics. But that kind of stuff does get discussed.

I was only wondering if people thought there was something particularly different about weight, even if couching it in the most delicate language possible, and why. I think the consensus seems to be that, yes, there is something different about weight gain, and that the best way to deal with it, if you deal a tall, is to simply set a healthy example.

As to why am I asking for advice? Because I have always found this to be a thoughtful message board over the years. I'm not spurning the advice when I explain the context. I'm trying to make sure I set up the scenario exactly right. That's all.

 

My father is a doctor (and an asshole) and delights nothing more than telling people what they can do to better themselves. This occurs at family events when anyone asks for the salt or the butter to be passed to them. He does this at parties to people he doesn't know. He thinks because he is a doctor he is doing everyone a service by doing this.

It's quite fun when you have a weight problem and your father is the one who delights in telling everyone what they could do to lose weight.

He's a miserable bastard and everybody hates him.

 

I have friends I could probably say something to, but I doubt that I would. I just wouldn't feel comfortable.

Now if it was my brother, yeah, I'd be telling him to get off his lazy ass and drop a few pounds. I know this because he has been basically telling me the same thing since he arrived here for a visit Sunday, which is fine because he has to listen to me giving him shit about smoking.

 

I agree that the only way to handle this, if you are compelled to, is -- if the friends live nearby -- to say you are looking for someone to go to the gym with you or hiking or whatever.

Even say that you need to get in better shape and are looking for someone to help team with you and motivate you. Don't make it about them.

 

I have to say, among my friends and I, pointing out and making of fun of each other's weight gain, hair loss, graying hair, etc., is par for the course. I dealt with it for a long time (probably a good seven years that I was overweight) and it didn't make me want to get any healthier, but it didn't hurt my feelings either. It's just what we do. And, frankly, it was usually pretty friggin' funny.

Not a chance any of us would say anything to the wives or girlfriends though. Not. A. Chance. In. Hell.