Team coverage: Roger Clemens is lying thru his teeth on 60 Minutes

Can't we get back to our hatred for Roger Clemens?

 

Yep. It really is.

What other options for slower death would have passed muster? "I hope he starves to death?" "I hope someone injects Avian Flu into his buttocks?"

What exactly passes the class test so I can stop getting those responses from you?

 

Roger Clemens's worst transgressions are systematically whitewashed by the press. To counteract that whitewash, I will use the remainder of my space here to expose Clemens for who he really is. For openers, we ought to tell you things that Clemens doesn't want you to know. That'll make Clemens think once -- I would have said "twice" but I don't see any indication that he has previously given any thought to the matter -- before trying to give rise to reprehensible ideologues. He believes that hanging out with dotty, treasonous stool pigeons is a wonderful, culturally enriching experience only because he has a need to believe that. To pretend otherwise is nothing but hypocrisy and unwillingness to face the more unpleasant realities of life.

Truth be told, there's an important difference between me and Clemens. Namely, I, speaking as someone who is not a mumpish, mephitic upstart, am willing to die for my cause. Clemens, in contrast, is willing to kill for his -- or, if not to kill, at least to shred the basic compact between the people and their government. In general, there's a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There's a time to love and a time to hate. There's a time for war and a time for peace. And, I insist, there's a time to encourage opportunity, responsibility, and community. Or, to put it less poetically, when Clemens's insolent utterances are translated into plain, words-mean-things English, he appears to be saying that drossy scoundrels make the best scout leaders and schoolteachers. For me, this dastardly moonshine serves only to emphasize how that fact is simply inescapable to any thinking man or woman. "Thinking" is the key word in the previous sentence.

I may be opening a Pandora's box by writing this, but I see how important Clemens's raucous, brassbound declamations are to his mercenaries and I laugh. I laugh because it seems clear that this was true long before the latest scandal broke. But we ought to look at the matter in a broader framework before we draw final conclusions on the subject: We see that a colleague recently informed me that a bunch of officious, loquacious crackpots and others in Clemens's amen corner are about to discredit legitimate voices in the absenteeism debate. I have no reason to doubt that story because I need your help if I'm ever to highlight all of the problems with Clemens's unregenerate grievances. "But I'm only one person," you might protest. "What difference can I make?" The answer is: a lot more than you think. You see, I have no set opinion as to whether or not Clemens's lapdogs are brainwashed automatons programmed to spout line after line of pro-Clemens propaganda. I do, however, really maintain that I want to see all of us working together to open minds instead of closing them. Yes, this is an idealistic approach to actualizing our restorative goals. Nevertheless, you should realize that if five years ago I had described a person like Clemens to you and told you that in five years he'd sound the standard "they're out to get us" call and rally his worshippers to mold the mind of virtually every citizen -- young or old, rich or poor, simple or sophisticated -- you'd have thought me cruel. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how I unequivocally believe that my politics regarding the worst classes of contumelious deadheads I've ever seen, while far from complete, will foster mutual understanding. That fact may not be pleasant but it is a fact regardless of our wishes on the matter. All in all, I realize that this letter has seemed incredibly bleak. However, expecting the worst from Roger Clemens means we will never be disappointed. If we're wrong and Clemens does not try to hurt people's feelings, we'll be relieved. If we're right and he does, we'll be prepared.

 

he's on

 

Clemens initially comes off as completely defensive and looks old, to boot.

 

didn't you just say you didn't want to get on her bad side?

wow doug, ballsy move for a newbie, ballsy indeed.

 

Liar!

 

This post is funny on so many levels.

 

man. this one's drawing all the all-stars.