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Taking care of a terminally ill parent

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Smallpotatoes, Mar 19, 2019.

  1. Neutral Corner

    Neutral Corner Well-Known Member

    It's not a pleasant sight, but it's just skin. It's not fun cleaning up an invalid elder's dirty diaper, either, of either sex. You just do what you have to do and soldier on.

    She's lost her inhibitions. You may see worse than that.
  2. HanSenSE

    HanSenSE Well-Known Member

    Hang in there SP. Goes without saying, with the quality of advice I've seen here and having been through a bit of it with my grandmother, we're here for you. And although it's been said, many times, many ways, don't be hard on yourself.
  3. Smallpotatoes

    Smallpotatoes Well-Known Member

    The one thing I've learned over the past few days, is that as much as I've heard the well-intentioned advice of taking care of myself, sometimes you just have to suck it up and do what needs to be done.

    I'd love to have a good night's sleep again, but if it means that she gets up the middle of the night, falls and splits her head open, I'd be negligent. It's already happened and both she and I are lucky it wasn't worse than it was.

    I'd love to go to the gym and get in my normal workouts, but if it gives her a chance to wander off and go into traffic, that's on me.

    It would be great if someone else can share this burden, but we don't have the money to pay somebody and everyone else has jobs. Eventually we'll work out a schedule, but until then fair or not, this falls on me. The logistical and financial stuff is more what my brothers are doing and I tend to stay out of that.

    It may not be fair, but it's not fair that she has cancer and probably won't be around to go to her oldest granddaughter's high school graduation in a few months.

    I know of high school kids who work a full-time third-shift job to help support their families, put in a full day at school and play sports. I'm a grown man and I really shouldn't be whining about something that is probably just a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things.
  4. Just the facts ma am

    Just the facts ma am Well-Known Member

    Spend down her assets that put her over the limit for Mass Health. There are lawyers that specialize in this.
  5. Smallpotatoes

    Smallpotatoes Well-Known Member

    And she's fallen again. Not as bad this time, slid off the bed, but still.
  6. Smallpotatoes

    Smallpotatoes Well-Known Member

    Just had a rather heated argument with an EMT. There was a document that we signed when she went into hospice that said do not transport and do not revive. The first night she fell an EMT took it. He said legally they have to transport her without the form. Not my fault they took it.

    Also said Elder Services could step in. Hope that doesn't mean I'm in trouble.

    I don't want to get arrested for something that's not my fault.
  7. Starman

    Starman Well-Known Member

    I'd speak to an elder law attorney immediately.
  8. Neutral Corner

    Neutral Corner Well-Known Member

    For her and your own good, both. ASAP.
    jlee likes this.
  9. Smallpotatoes

    Smallpotatoes Well-Known Member

    She's in respite at a rehab facility for five days. We're going to have somebody in to look after her, but we need to figure out a schedule of when they could do it and when we would do it.
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2019
    Neutral Corner likes this.
  10. Smallpotatoes

    Smallpotatoes Well-Known Member

    At the respite place, they found her out of her bed on the floor at 4 a.m., but she was not hurt. They're evaluating her tomorrow.
  11. Neutral Corner

    Neutral Corner Well-Known Member

    That's good. It goes with what you reported, and it's documented in their records now.

    Glad she wasn't hurt.
  12. Baron Scicluna

    Baron Scicluna Well-Known Member

    If I’m not mistaken, I don’t think you would be in trouble with Elder Services unless you were actually abusing her in some way. It’s not like the child abuse folks. Elder Services may actually try to help you and your mom in some way instead of being accusatory.

    Hang in there. You’re doing great.
    Smallpotatoes likes this.
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