Super Happy Fun Thread

In light of Fenian's Grudge thread, here is a place for the opposite.

For example, here's 50 fun things to do at Wal-Mart.

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slow, especially thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10”.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who buys this crap, anyway?”
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”
20. Put M&M’s on layaway.
21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, “…I’m Batman. Come, Robin—to the Batcave!”
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”
31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”
41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.


One warning, though. Do not taunt Super Happy Fun Thread.

 

Bubbler just creamed his britches and he doesn't know why.

 

Fuckabuncha happiness.

 

Fun at Walmart? No way.


Besides, you can't play Calvinball in Walmart. The out of bounds is in the middle of the store and there's no way to make it to the candy section without cutting through girls clothes, which is a clear violation of the cooties rule...

 

Slappy I love you.

 

Do not taunt Super Happy Fun Thread.

 

Sure you can. If you hit the second register with your right fist while hopping on your left foot wearing a green baseball cap and singing a Premiership club fight song, it gives you 30 minutes of cooties insulation. If you didn't trip on the opposite wire, which you do by not tripping over it.

EDIT: My typing was so bad it was made of fale

 

Exactly. That's the beauty of Calvinball.

 

But that only works if you have a partner, and tigers WILL NOT go in the hardware section ... unless there is chocolate involved...

 

Or you can chant the Inversion Haiku three times. So long as you don't do it while in the middle of the Floating Danger Square, the tiger will go in the hardware section, albeit stepping on the brown tiles only.

 

See, there are no brown tiles in Walmart, except in girls clothing section. And that takes us back to the out-of-bounds thing again.

 

Unless that particular Wal-Mart doesn't have brown floor tiles in the hardware section, in which case you must hop on one foot to the fabrics section, drape a stretch of chenille over your head and chant, loudly, "Go-rah-bit! Go-rah-bit! Please don't hit! Please don't hit!"