Super Bowl halftime performer announced

But isn't the 50th Super Bowl the MOST EPIC MOMENT IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND! ? And you give us Coldplay? It's like going to a high-dollar gala and being served velveeta on Saltines, a TV dinner and a scoop of plain vanilla ice cream for dessert.

 

Dear Everybody:

The NFL wishes to apologize to you that your favorite hipster/nostalgia/rap/heavy metal/country rock/mainstream country/a cappella/teenage pop/boy band will not be asked to perform at this year's Super Bowl halftime show.

Signed,
Everybody Else

 

It should be Lynyrd Skynyrd. With a BIG Confederate flag. Fuck yeah!

Then have Trump come on stage doing cartwheels with fireworks flying out of his ass.

 

For escaping that 95-pound bag of crap, I'll give Chris Martin 20 minutes to sing his crappy songs.

 

Vigorous jacking-off gesture.

 

From what I heard in the halftime announcement it sounds like there will be additional artists. Coldplay makes sense if you want to "build", maybe they're the backing band, I could live with that. At least, that's what it sounds like
"In a statement, the NFL said: "Chris Martin is designing a show that will echo elements of the NFL’s On the Fifty campaign – honoring the past, recognizing the present and looking ahead to the next 50 years, including other special artists."
I mean, really a 10 minute jam featuring a song and artist from the 60s (Fogerty would be great), 70s (I'd settle for Paul Simon and/or Elton John), 80s (Prince), 90s (Janet Jackson) and finish with U2 or Green Day.

 

No doubt Janet Jackson is high on the NFL's wish list.

 

That just might break the internet if Timberlake was included.

 

I really don't care who's featured in the pregame shows, who sings the national anthem and who performs at halftime. I've watched about 3 minutes of halftime over the last 20 years.

 

I'll make sure not to now.

 

As everyone knows, halftime of the Super Bowl is for hitting the buffet set out by the hosts of the party. At our house last year, that was vegetarian black bean chili and cornbread. Eating, continuing drinking and gossiping are what halftime is for. At a proper party, the talk's too loud to hear the music anyway. Since the commentator this year is Phil Simms, we might pipe in crowd noise during the game, too.

 

Guess that means flipping over to the Puppy Bowl. Do they still have that?