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Stupid Sayings on My Paper Towels

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by 21, Dec 8, 2009.

  1. 21

    21 Well-Known Member

    Let me be the first to say this is an utterly ridiculous thread, so you don't have to point it out, I already know. I'm sorry in advance.

    There are really only two types of people: 1) those who buy normal plain white paper towels, the kind you just yank off the roll, use randomly, and never think about again, and 2) those who actually give thought to the look and design of their paper towels, whether they want paper towels with little rutabagas or pepperonies or daisies, etc.

    Just to be clear, I am a plain paper towel person. If you are the kind of person who puts any effort into the rutagaba/pepperoni/daisy decision, I would love to know why, and how you became this way.

    Anyway, by accident, I bought a big pack of the wrong paper towels. Oh, those paper towel people knew what they were doing: the wrapper carefully and insidiously disguised the hidden design. 'Oho, we'll make them look white, so it will be too late by the time they will see what we have unleashed! Ladybugs! And sayings! We will give them ladybugs and sayings, and they will like it! Bwahahaha!!'

    On the first paper towel, it says this: You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt.

    On the next paper towel, it says: No two days are the same in one garden At the bottom of the same towel, it also says: No two gardens are the same.

    Then we have the ladybugs--blue, green, orange--which I'm pretty were put on earth to fuck up the gardens. Actually, I don't know why they were put on earth, and I sure as hell don't know why they're on my paper towels.

    What is this all about? What kind of people sat in a meeting, and said 'Oh! I know! We'll put some sayings, about dirt and stuff! And ladybugs! Yeah! Who wants this one?' And someone takes the challenge! They make these paper towels!

    I want to know the rest of the sayings, but I would have to unravel the entire roll of paper towels. Not worth it. We will have to wait for some stuff to spill around here.

    If you want to check your paper towels, I would love to know what else is out there. I cannot be the only one. Thank you for listening.
  2. Rosie

    Rosie Active Member

    Sure, now I have to go unravel my roll of paper towels to even see if I have sayings on them.

    If I don't, I'm going to feel very deprived that I buy printed paper towels - the designs of which I never pay attention to - and never had sayings on them.

    That would just be so wrong...
  3. KYSportsWriter

    KYSportsWriter Well-Known Member

    When I lived on my own, I just got the plain white stuff. Don't see the big deal with the different printings/sayings, though.

    YGBFKM Guest

    Did you get your towels at a Chinese restaurant?
  5. imjustagirl

    imjustagirl Active Member

    Viva is the only way to go. Plain white, and feels more like a towel than a paper towel. So absorbent. You can use them as Kleenex without hurting your nose.
  6. TheSportsPredictor

    TheSportsPredictor Well-Known Member

    Genius! Combine this thread with my favorite Twitter feed and you've got Shit My Dad Says on Paper Towels. I'm calling Justin and demanding 10% royalties for this idea.
  7. 21

    21 Well-Known Member

    See, that would be cool, paper towels that really gave you something to think about. Like the Snapple caps! If my paper towels are talking to me, they better have something to say. I want my paper towel to say 'The entire world population could stand shoulder to shoulder around the border of Texas !' That would be a cool paper towel. Someone should work on that. Call them 'Smart Towels' or something like that. None of this ladybug shit, what the hell is that about.
  8. Machine Head

    Machine Head Well-Known Member

    "Help! I can't tell where I am. It's dark and I can hear laughing."

    The Taco Bell mild sauce packet I soon will open.
  9. Trey Beamon

    Trey Beamon Active Member

    "I'm not a jiz rag, you fucking moron."
  10. MrWrite

    MrWrite Member

    Viva paper towels are the shit.
  11. 21

    21 Well-Known Member

    Okay, but you should never flush paper towels. Terrible for the plumbing.
  12. mjp1542

    mjp1542 Member

    Yes, yes they are fabulous. But they cost too much for paper towels. I'll splurge on some everyday items, but not paper towels.
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