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'Strictly Platonic'

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Dick Whitman, Sep 29, 2010.

  1. Dick Whitman

    Dick Whitman Well-Known Member

    Slate is running a series around the "When Harry Met Sally" question of whether men and women can be "just friends."

    The first pair that comes to mind is Liz and Jack from "30 Rock." To me, that's realistic. I think men and women can definitely be friends in a business/professional setting. Business casual feels like armor to me, especially once married.

    Anyway, interesting to think about. I had a close female friend in high school. Remained in touch with her in college. Was absolutely wildly attracted to her. Had female friends in college who I did not think of sexually who were wildly attracted to me. So I imagine that it probably is rare for single people, then becomes more possible as you mature. But by then the boundaries are a lot easier to set.

  2. Flying Headbutt

    Flying Headbutt Moderator Staff Member

    One of my very best friends is a woman, and we've been strictl platonic since we met in college. Aside from a little bit of flirting when we initially met (which is just unfathomable now), we've just been close friends, to the point she sometimes feels more like my sister than my own sister does. There is simply no attraction at all there for either of us. That's not to say neither of us is attractive, but the odds of anything developing in a romantic nature are nil. It actually worked out good, in that we've both served as dates at weddings and the like, but nothing beyond that.

    I've had people ask me if there was ever anything there, and I know some of her siblings and in-laws thought it would have been a good idea, but it was just never, ever there. Thinking about it, I guess it's kind of rare. I don't see it happening among a lot of my other friends. Never really thought about the rarity of it though.
  3. heyabbott

    heyabbott Well-Known Member

    There's always the question:

    Would I hit it?

    As long as that question is out there, 'strictly platonic' is a myth. It may be the result but the question is always there.
  4. Sam Mills 51

    Sam Mills 51 Active Member

    Some guys also let the correct head do his thinking.

    I've had some female friends whom there was never any real attraction (then again, consider the source). Sometimes, it's because they're sometimes more level-headed and not thinking like the post above that it makes it easier to cut away some of the crap.
  5. Mizzougrad96

    Mizzougrad96 Active Member

    About a decade ago, I dated a woman who the bulk of her friends were guys. She had never dated any of them and she had never slept with any of them. I didn't really think anything of it at the time, but one of my friends warned me, beware of women who have more guy friends than girlfriends.

    It was really good advice, because while none of those guys had slept with her, every single one of them wanted to and the fact that she was clueless to it, said a lot about how self-absorbed she was.
  6. ucacm

    ucacm Active Member

    I've had a few close female friends where the relationship has been strictly platonic. The first one that comes to mind is a friend from college. She's attractive, but I was never particularly attracted to her. She is 6'1 (I'm 5'9), has bright red hair, and very light skin. I could see a ton of other guys finding her attractive, but pretty much all of her physical qualities were the opposite of what I was into. There were a few times where I thought to myself "she's such a cool girl, maybe she'd be a good girlfriend," but it just never felt right. As far as I know, she's never been into me like that, and has never mentioned it.

    I don't know, I can be really attracted to a female friend, but that doesn't mean I want to date them. I don't remember this ever being a problem in my life. Now, if it's someone you date first and then try to remain "friends" after the relationship, that is typically going to be a problem.
  7. qtlaw

    qtlaw Well-Known Member

    Perhaps its a sign of maturity to be able to be in such a relationship.

    I had a female roommate once after got out of law school; it was a buddie's GF so I knew she was off limits and it was nice to converse with her and get her insights independent of whether sex would be involved. That of course did not meant that the question did not enter my mind.

    Mizzou good advice, I've always wondered about women who had more guy friends than female friends.
  8. Mizzougrad96

    Mizzougrad96 Active Member

    It really was. I felt pretty stupid after the fact, but like everything else, it was a learning experience. :)
  9. sgreenwell

    sgreenwell Well-Known Member

    I think it gets easier / happens more often as you get older. I mean, every girl I was a friend with in high school was someone I was interested in, or the friend of a girl I was interested in, which I imagine is the case for most guys.

    Also, I wonder what effect movies are having on this. I think it's harder to claim ignorance about knowing your best friend is in love with you when it is the plot of roughly every other romantic comedy now.
  10. outofplace

    outofplace Well-Known Member

    The only problem with that is that absolutes don't always hold up. Maybe that is the only absolute -- no absolute is absolute. Ok, that might make my head hurt.

    When I first met her, I discovered quickly that Mrs. OOP had a group of friends she had been close to since elementary school -- all of them guys. Then again, most of my close friends at the time were women, so it didn't bother me. None of those relationships has ever been an issue in the 16 years she and I have been together.
  11. Mizzougrad96

    Mizzougrad96 Active Member

    Obviously there are no absolutes.

    But the two best pieces of advice I got for dating were don't trust a woman who has more guy friends than girlfriends and don't trust a woman who works for tips. I was burned on both.
  12. bumpy mcgee

    bumpy mcgee Well-Known Member

    "You know what's the cool thing about women? Women get to have platonic friends. He's my pal, he's my bud, he's my platonic friend. I love him like a brother. he's my bud my platonic friend~~
    Men don't have platonic friends okay? we just have women we haven't fucked yet. As soon as I figure this out, Im in there! I mean we got some platonic friends, we all do. I mean I got some platonic friends, but they are all by accident. Every platonic friend I got was some woman I was trying to fuck , I made a wrong turn somewhere, and ended up in the friend zone. Oh no, I'm in the friend zone! Women keep platonic friends forever. Why? Cos you never know! That's right.They came to the conference every six month , what happen to Pam? She thinks you cute! But they keep them platonic friends forever why? cos you never know. You know what a platonic friend is to a woman? It's like a dick in a glass case. In case of emergency , break open glass!" --- Chris Rock
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