(Step)daughter's father can't wait to see us in court

Hi King

I have an 11 year old step daughter that I consider my daughter. I have been in her life since she was 5 and my wife and I have given her a little sister that she is an absolutely awesome older sister to.

Her father is still in her life as there is split access with us having primary care and control. We endeavor to get along as it creates a lot less stress for everyone. I know our situation is not completely analogous but here is how we are approaching it.

We take the high road no matter how hard it can be. We made the decision that when she gets married we want us all to get a long at the wedding. my wife's ex is a dumbass who also says things like "you can live here when you are 12" and as angry as it makes us we never say anything vindictive or disparaging about her ex.

It is a cliche but we really follow actions speak louder than words. We are the ones at her school events, sports games, parent teacher, etc. We listen to her, we help with her homework. She knows who does the things a parent should do.

I am not sure of the law where you are but get some legal advice. The threat of full audit of books and back child support can be a great deterrent when the dumbasses want to get froggy.

Keep doing what you are doing. She knows where the love and structure is and not the emotional roller coater.

 

When I was 12, my parents separated for the second time. When I was 13, their divorce was finalized. When I was 15, my mother re-married, then later decided to move to Maine to live with her new husband.

At that point, my parents mutually decided to let me choose which of them to live with, reasoning that I was mature enough to make the decision. I was an emotional wreck about it. I decided to move up and live with my mother.

I enjoyed my experience at the high school, but I did not enjoy living with my mother, step father (and occasionally, my step sister). Many years later, my mother and I still don't talk.

If I had to do it over again, I don't know if I would have moved up to live with my mother. Having said that, I still treasure the friends I made up in Maine and what that did for my social development.

 

If the bio-father is not paying court-ordered child support, a court would not be likely to award him custody.

If the bio-father has had little or no contact with the child, a court would not be likely to award him custody.

No is a court likely to follow the wishes of a 12 year old. The court is charged with insuring the best interests of the child. A lawyer can help here. Some juvenile/domestic courts will use the services of a guardian ad liteum — a person who represents the child and her interests.

Best advice I ever got from an attorney: "Work it out. Put your kids in the middle and I will never speak to you again."

I understand too well the feelings of inadequacies, King. All you can do is your best. I haven't yet driven myself into a bridge abutment. There have been times it seemed like a viable option. All a father can do is put one foot in front of the other.

 

The worst thing is Christmas is coming up. The Queen and I agreed when we got married that no longer would she call him and see if he wanted to do about the holidays.

He has the tendancy to call around Dec. 20 and gets pissy when we tell him about our plans when he realizes he may not see her. Then he can tell everyone what a bitch the Queen because he can't see his daughter.

It's a total mess.