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Steamed hams

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by John, Apr 28, 2008.

  1. John

    John Well-Known Member

    The 22 Short Films About Springfield episode is on right now. One of my all-time favorites.
  2. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    damnit! We're getting the 138th Episode Spectacular.

    "What would you think, Smithers, if I came to your houes and started sniffing your butt?"
    "You, sir?"

    Steamed hams might be the most inspired bit of dialogue ever.
  3. John

    John Well-Known Member

    Some folk'll never eat a skunk
    But then again, some folk'll
    Like Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel
    Most folk'll never lose a toe
    But then again, some folk'll
    Like Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel
  4. Buck

    Buck Well-Known Member

    Superintendent Chalmers: Well Seymour, I made it, despite your directions.
    Seymour Skinner: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.
    [Chalmers enters and puts a bottle of wine on the table. Skinner walks into the kitchen to see smoke billowing from the oven. He opens the oven, and the roast bursts into flames.]
    Seymour Skinner: Oh, yegods, my roast is ruined!
    [Skinner looks out the kitchen window at the Krusty Burger across the street.]
    Seymour Skinner: But what if ... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Ho ho ho ho ... delightfully devlish, Seymour.
    [Skinner begins to climb out the window but stops when Chalmers enters the kitchen.]
    Superintendent Chalmers: Seymour!
    Seymour Skinner: Superintendent, I was just ... just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?
    Superintendent Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
    Seymour Skinner: Oh, that isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmmm, steamed clams.
    [Skinner runs aross the street to Krusty Burger, and returns to the dining room with a tray of hamburgers.]
    Seymour Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers.
    Superintendent Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.
    Seymour Skinner: Oh, no, I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers.
    Superintendent Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams?
    Seymour Skinner: Yes, it's a regional dialect.
    Superintendent Chalmers: Uh-huh. What region?
    Seymour Skinner: Uhh ... Upstate New York.
    Superintendent Chalmers: Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams.'
    Seymour Skinner: Oh, not in Utica. No, it's an Albany expression.
    Superintendent Chalmers: I see.
    [Chalmers bites into a steamed ham.]
    Superintendent Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
    Seymour Skinner: Oh ho ho, no. Patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.
    Superintendent Chalmers: For steamed hams ...
    Seymour Skinner: Yes ...
    Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.
    Seymour Skinner: You know I— One thing I sh— Excuse me for one second.
    [Skinner walks into the kitchen and returns to the dining room.]
    Seymour Skinner: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.
    Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, I should be— Good lord, what is happening in there?
    Seymour Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
    Superintendent Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
    Seymour Skinner: Yes.
    Superintendent Chalmers: May I see it?
    Seymour Skinner: No
    Agnes Skinner: Seymour, the house is on fire!
    Seymour Skinner: No, Mother. It's just the Northern Lights.
    Superintendent Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say you steam a good ham.
  5. John

    John Well-Known Member

    That might be the best couple of minutes in the show's history.
  6. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

    reminds me of your old boss...
  7. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    Hey, everybody. It's the boy who likes to laugh at people. Let's laugh at him.
  8. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    I knew we'd lure you over to our side eventually.

    Welcome, friend!
  9. DougDascenzo

    DougDascenzo Member

    especialmente en Espanol.

  10. mike311gd

    mike311gd Active Member

  11. Buck

    Buck Well-Known Member

    I've never been against 'The Simpsons.' It's just not as funny as 'Seinfeld.'
    However, we can all agree that the steamed hams scene is comic gold.
    That's gold, BYH. Gold.
  12. BertoltBrecht

    BertoltBrecht Member

    Just to save people some time:

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