Star Wars Episode VII?

It's all about the merchandising. We're all gonna be back in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.

It's all about the toys. The Legos. The T-shirts. And the video games. If they make 3 more movies, they'll double those revenues. Even though they'll totally suck like the prequels did. The Phantom Menace was one of the three worst movies I've ever seen. Thankfully, I didn't wait in line or go at midnight to see it. Jar-Jar Binks was the most ethnically disgusting character I've ever seen. He wasn't funny at all. I prayed that one of the Jedi would tire of him and just decapitate him. Would that turn you to the Dark Side? Nah.... ;D

Attack of the Chone Figgins was boring except for Jango Fett, who was a real man-o'-warsman. The dogfight between Slave I and Kenobi was epic. And then I was done with it.

If only Lucas would've stepped away from the Revenge of the Sith and let a real writer handle the dialogue. And a real director sit in the chair. It was decent, but decent doesn't cut it.

"Anakin, you're breaking my heart." I still cringe when I hear that line and the other cringe-worthy yakkers in that movie, even though Natalie Portman was hotter than the sands of Tantooine. I'm still pissed they turned Darth Vader, the greatest villain ever, into a wussy. Equal parts wimp and pussy. Robot Chicken skewered that pretty well.

And yes, Han shot first.

 

Han shot ONLY!

 

Attack of the Chone Figgins is one of my favorite SJ things this year.

 

I thought he was given a salary of $150,000. Someone advised him to negotiate for a higher salary, but instead he negotiated for the rights. I could definitely be wrong about that, though. Either way, it worked out pretty well.

 

Dan Fierman (managing editor of Grantland) managed to sum this up perfectly in only three paragraphs.

Dan Fierman: Look, we know there are two ways this could go. There's the good way, in which John Lasseter writes the screenplay, Brad Bird directs, and George Lucas is locked securely in a broom closet. (They can tell him they need very detailed specs on the exhaust ports of land speeders. Or they can just pack it full of money. I don't care. The point is: broom closet.)

Then there's the bad way. The bad way is pretty much anyone else in the Disney stable getting involved. (You know you're thinking it, so let's just say it out loud: Michael Bay is definitely on the phone with Bob Iger RIGHT NOW explaining his vision for the updated gold lamé bikini Megan Fox will wear as "Leia's super-hot daughter." Face your fears. There now. Was that so bad?)

But here's the bottom line: This franchise has been debased so badly that the stakes here are pretty low. Lucas' legacy is already forever tarnished. The icon that is Darth Vader has been pretty much destroyed in our memory. Even if we still cling to the idea that Han shot first, there's that alternate timeline lingering out there when he didn't. There's nothing but upside for Disney and whoever takes over as the writer/director. It's a hell of an opportunity for the right person. Let's hope s/he can not only make us care again, but make our kids care too.

 

Does anyone have any inkling what the next trilogy might deal with? It was obvious that the prequels tell the story of how Anakin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader. But I can't think of what is left to tell. Does a child of Leia and/or Luke turn to the dark side?

Would they actually use Mark Hamill as the older Luke Skywalker? Or, if they were completely insane, Carrie Fisher as old Leia?

 

Looks like we're both kinda right. This LA Times story from 1997 says he got $50K to write and $50K to direct in exchange for 40 percent of the gross and all the sequel and merchandising rights:

http://articles.latimes.com/1997-02-06/business/fi-25849_1_star-wars

Lucas explains how it went down here, but he's not really clear or forthcoming on the money breakdown:

 

If Episode II is any indication, the next one will have Luke's kid campaigning for Chancellor of the New Republic and the next Sith Lord will use his Skywalker family history against him.

Episode VII: Campaign of the Attack Ads
[Voiceover]: A short time ago, in this very galaxy, Luke Skywalker's father became a war criminal who engaged in genocide, and even killed Younglings.


Skywalker kissed his sister ... while his friends watched.


He practices a strange religion.


His best friend is a murderous smuggler.


He even championed same-sex droid marriage.


He is impatient. He craves excitement and adventure. He is too old. Is this the man YOU want leading your Republic?


Darth Sinister isn't afraid to make the tough calls. He'll singe droids' feet to protect the Republic and he'll put hundreds of thousands of Imperial construction workers back to work on a new Death Star. He'll improve health care on Tatooine and reduce obesity among the Hutts. He's the man who will seek out and bring to justice Jar Jar Binks, leader of the attack on Naboo and he'll send clones into the difficult terrain of Endor to ferret out the terrorist network of Ewoks. Vote Darth Sinister and take back YOUR galaxy!

[Cut to shot of Darth Sinister] I'm Darth Sinister, and I approved this message.

 

My favorite comment from one of the talkback sections...

"They need three good ones to get back over .500."

 

Less special effects and better storytelling. Lucas was obsessed with all the effects and totally fucked the original three and prequels.
If they go through with VII, who is risking their career to direct and star? Or do they just go a different route from what Lucas's original plans were?

 

Almost as good as Revenge of the Bryant Stith

 

I think they'll set Ep. 7 40-50 years after "Return of the Jedi," so Luke, Leia and Han can appear as "venerated elders," and also set up the appearance of TWO new generations of characters -- the children, who will be aged 30-45, and the GRANDchildren who will be from 10-25 (gotta have a couple kiddie/teen characters in there for the Disney audience).

That way they can grab a couple 40-ish big stars to play the children and a few younger heartthrobs for the grandchildren.

Plus aging up Han to about 70 and Luke/Leia to mid-60s is more in keeping with their actual ages and will allow Ford, Hamill and Fisher to play the characters without utterly absurd-looking CGI to 'youthen them down.' Fisher of course won't be in any bikinis this time around but she could certainly be made to look like a wise matronly grandmother figure.

I presume Hamill would play Luke as a weathered Alec Guinness-type portrayal.

Ford swore for years he would never take part in another SW project, but that was when he was an AAA-list superstar and could be very picky about what roles he took or didn't take.

He's not at that level anymore so a limited cameo-type appearance in SW 7 -- maybe even including a heroic/epic death for Han -- might tickle his fancy.