South Bend Busy Work

Al Lear (SP) used to write for them. He was the Big Ten beat guy. Very good writer and journalist. If he is still there, I feel bad for him. What a great writer who certainly doesn't deserve this BS.

 

You have common sense. the suits who think of this don't.

 

The only purpose this idea actually serves is to convince more employees to get the hell out of the newspaper business. Which may be its real objective. The paper is attempting to run players off scholarship.

 

My first newspaper in Texas required us to do this. For a little while.

That's pretty much what I'd write in there. Sometimes with an editorial comment or two.

This sucks.

 

Best line: File these reports "before you leave for the day." This implies that reporters are chained to desks and in the office from 9-5. I once asked an editor, "Tell me what events take place in this newsroom. Where am I more likely to find a story: here or out at basketball practice?"

 

You mean reporters should actually leave the office every now and then and get out in the field?

 

DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO QUOTE ME!?!?!?!?!?!?

I really hope my paper doesn't start doing this. I can totally see them trying it though.

 

A day in the life of a typical young working journalist:

3 p.m. – Show up, punch in

3:15 – Answer e-mails, fill out dumb-ass activity form

3:30 – Call my ex-girlfriend for weekly dose of humiliation, fill out dumb-ass activity form

3:45 – Answer phone calls, fill out dumb-ass activity form

4 p.m. – Budget meeting. Recoil in horror remembering most editors in room already have reproduced despite their clear lack of neural activity, fill out dumb-ass activity form

4:15 p.m. – Budget meeting drones on. I stare at our new intern wondering what she’s wearing under that dress, fill out dumb-ass activity form

4:30 p.m. — Leave meeting without a will to live, thanks to another dumbass series of “initiatives” that completely contradict the ones eds detailed last month, fill out dumb-ass activity form

4:45 p.m. — Contemplate working at Wal-Mart, PM several SportsJournalists.commers, fill out dumb-ass activity form

5 p.m. — Leave for game. Thank God! Fill out dumb-ass activity form

5:15 p.m. — Stop at 7-11 for lottery ticket, Big Gulp, this month’s Maxim, fill out dumb-ass activity form

5:30 p.m. — Arrive at game, set my shit up, fill out dumb-ass activity form

5:45 p.m. — Buffet, think about asking new intern out before ad guys get to her, fill out dumb-ass activity form

6 p.m. — Surf SportsJournalists.com, journalismjobs.com, fill out dumb-ass activity form

6:15 p.m. — Watch pre-game, surf, fill out dumb-ass activity form

6:30 p.m. — Think about boning new intern, fill out dumb-ass activity form

6:45 p.m. — Call desk to re-confirm how much space I have to write, fill out dumb-ass activity form

7-9 p.m. — Half-heartedly watch game, wondering what new intern would look like naked, fill out dumb-ass activity form every 15 minutes

9-10 p.m. — Write lede, fill out dumb-ass activity form every 15 minutes

10:15-10:30 p.m. — File notes/bar, get major boner over new intern, fill out dumb-ass activity form

10:45 p.m. — Call desk to make sure they don’t have any questions, find out the 18-inch lede and 12-inch notes/bar got cut to 9 inches total because national story bumped it, contemplate suicide/job change for fourth night this week, fill out dumb-ass activity form

11 p.m. — Fill out dumb-ass activity form for last time tonight

11:15 p.m. - 4:30 a.m. Drink most of a 12-pack of Natty Lite, post pad endlessly on SportsJournalists.com, trade stories with my peers about what douchenozzles our bosses are. Masturbate like zoo monkey thinking about new intern. Pass out.

 

9 a.m. — Multitasked
10 a.m. — Did less with more
11 a.m. — Was voluntold to start a BLOG!
12 p.m. — Lunch
1 p.m. — Leveraged my resources
2 p.m. — Did less with more
3 p.m. — Felt I became value added
4 p.m. — Examined and detailed my work flow for this report
5 p.m. — Went home, got drunk, sent out resume.

 

Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh heh - and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.
Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

 

Impressive, lono.

The 12-pack of Natty Lite was a particularly good touch.

Well, that and the "major boner" over the new intern.