Sorority sister sues sorority for doing college things

I guessing this chick is a real downer at parties ...

http://www.wvrecord.com/news/239059-sorority-sister-says-sigma-sigma-sigma-violated-rules

 

Jesus Christ. She needs to get drunk and laid.

 

Creosote on the case!

 

Neidermeyer: The following charges are brought: First, that Tri-Sigma did knowingly violate the rules governing pledge recruitment by serving alcohol to freshmen during pledge week and after established drinking hours.
Tri-Sigma President: I'd like to address these charges one at a time, if l may.
Dean Wormer: You'll get your chance, smarty.
[to Neidermeyer] Get on with it.
Neidermeyer: Second, that for the fifth consecutive semester, Tri-Sigma has achieved a deficient aggregate grade point average.
Tri-Sigma President: Half the houses on campus didn't make grades last semester.
Dean Wormer: You will speak when you're told to, and not before!
[to Neidermeyer] Read.
Neidermeyer: Third, that Tri-Sigma routinely provided dangerous narcotic diet pills to its members during ...
Tri-Sigma President: That's not true!
Dean Wormer: Not another word!
Neidermeyer: During midterm examination week. And most recently ... that a Roman "toga party" ... was held ... from which we have received two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion ... so profound and disgusting ... that decorum prohibits listing them here.

 

I don't think this chick will do any extra fun stuff. May as well have your way with something on a slab. At least you won't have to buy it dinner.

 

Dean Wormer: I think we've heard enough, Mr Chairman.
Tri-Sigma President: I was told I'd have a chance to spe...?
Sarah Frances Lyon: That's enough. The court will now render a decision.
Tri-Sigma President: Look, you said I could speak...!
Doug Neidermeyer: HE SAID THAT'S IT! Are you DEAF?
Dean Wormer: Let's finish this damn thing.
Blutette: [Coughing into her hand] BLOWJOB!
Sigma Sisters: [Imitating Blutette] Blowjob! Blowjob!
Tri-Sigma President: I don't think it's fair!
Dean Wormer: I'll tell you what's fair and what's not!
Blutette: [Coughing into her hand] EAT ME!
Sigma Sisters: [Imitating Bluto] Eat me! Eat me!
Tri-Sigma PresidentTo Boon) Will you tell those assholes to shutup?
Boon: Hey, SHUTUP YOU ASSHOLES!

Otter: Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules or took a few liberties with our male party guests. We did. (WINKS at Wormer.)

But you can't hold a whole sorority responsible for the behavior of a few sick, perverted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole sorority system? And if the whole sorority system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Sarah Frances Lyon ... isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well. You can do what you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you bad-mouth the United States of America! Ladies!

(ALL EXIT, humming the Star-Spangled Banner.)

 

*cough**cough*muffdiver!*cough**cough*

 

WHAT???

 

This couldn't have been settled with a pillow fight!?!

 

Or a wet T-shirt contest? That's how they do it in the movies!

 

This thread is awesome!
Please carry on ...