"Sloppy Seconds" - What's the worst an ex (or current) has said about you?

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/2/13moe.html

 

And to actually add to the thread, this wasn't a breakup line, but probably should have been. My ex and I were apart for New Year's the last year of our relationship, and wound up cheating on each other. We both confessed and decided to stay together, then left for a weekend trip right after that. We went to our school's hoops game before the trip started and were both pretty pissed off, and at some point in the game, she grabs/caresses my arm and says in a smarmy voice, "The guy I hooked up with had much bigger muscles than you." The fact that I didn't respond with "Well, the girl I hooked up with was thinner than you" - which she was - is a testament to my nice guy/pussy status.

 

That guy's letter from Elvis's hound dog is a classic:

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2004/8/30moepop4.html

 

I think the worst thing is when they say nothing, as though the relationship never really happened. To them, it wasn't worth remembering.



Until, one evening, you hear her yelling in that voice she used to use when you used to fight, "I see you there! Go away! I'm calling the police!"

 

My last girlfriend told a mutual friend I lied to her about my doings with another woman. While it was minor, it infuriated me because to this day -- five years -- I have not lied to her once.

We dated twice, and in the time off, I slept with another woman and didn't say anything about her because she never asked. After she and I split the second time, she told our friend, "Mike told me nothing happened with Lisa." He told me that, and I was livid because had she asked, I would have volunteered the information on the spot.

That, I think, hit me a lot worse than anything else because it just ate at me. More than three years after I heard the lie, she explained why. (I didn't mention it because I wasn't supposed to know.) It still bothers me a little.

 

No.

You should have punched her in the face.

 

"If you had two more inches, you'd get some new pussy here."[/richardpryor]

 

I don't have any horror stories, but my best friend and his girlfriend were both virgins when they got together. After they broke up, she started telling people that he raped her the first time.
It's definitely not true and they are still friends to this day (not sure why he puts up with her craziness), but it really pisses me off because he would never do anything like that and it's just another case of a woman crying wolf. That makes it harder for the women who actually are raped.

 

That was cool, thanks.

 

Haha...I check McSweeney's once every few months and always find something awesome. Go to the Pop Song Correspondence link on that page and read the most recent one about Prince...it's fan-fucking-tastic.

 

Hard to pick just one winner. Some of the greatest hits:

"You're an acquired taste."
"You're just not boyfriend material."
"I can't see a woman ever wanting to be with you."

Nothing all that bad, I suppose, though there does seem to be a trend emerging.

 

Wow.