Sliding into DMs... and out of a job

I have no idea what this particular guy was thinking, and sending that DM to a woman across the country—and to a woman who had reported men for similarly poor behaviour previously—seems like an act of complete self-sabotage to me.

That being said, if you are single (he wasn't) and trying to hook up these days, it's both easier than it's ever been and a hundred times more complicated to navigate. I was talking to a friend about this incident and, basically, we agreed that a man can no longer make the opening move, however subtle—not that this guy was subtle—on a woman in his field, especially if she's in a lesser position in the field. You just can't. And that can be hard, because when you're a grownup, most of the people you know are people you know from work. After my divorce, I thought of quite a few girls who I thought I'd shared a little spark with on the job, and I contemplated asking them out, and I pretty much decided that I could not. Because if you're wrong, if they don't share the same feelings, you have really made it awkward at best. And women have said so often they think a relationship with a man is just friendly and professional, and then the man misinterprets that friendship for something else, and you never want to be that guy. Yes, you might miss out on some wonderful opportunities and connections if you just decide not to ask out anyone in your business. But women can approach you, too, if they're interested, and it's just so much safer in the long run not to do it. Risk and reward and all that.

And I'm an idiot about so many things. So when a guy like this not only does it, but does it in such a crass and violating way, I can only think that he's not thinking. At all. Or he wants to blow up his life. One or the other.