SJ.com sex & morals poll

Does venison taste like chicken?

 

I can't believe the deer is winning. Yes, it's sick, depraved, insane, whatever, but it's a dead animal. No one is hurt except the poor bastard who was boning a dead carcass and may contract who knows what disease

On the other hand, what kind of psychological damage is done to a 9 year old by having her watch a live porno exhibition/ What are the downstream effects in her life? Why do I get the feeling she'll be a single mother of 3 by her 23rd birthday?

 

But ... I used to watch scrambled Playboy channel, and I turned out all right

-- All kidding aside, I do think you're right. The 9-year-old story is much worse.
The deer jokes are just funny.

 

The poor 9-year-old has a screwed up mother who is obviously a damn liar. She'll probably keep custody, though.

The deer was just asking for it.

 

Wow. You too?

 

Yep. I think, most teenagers are curious beings.
I have to be one of the few people who saw a bunch of the Marilyn Chambers shows and knows her voice, yet to this day - I couldn't pick her out of a crowd - unless she was all scrambled.

 

Just trying to envision an interview with the deer fucker.

Q: There's a lot of dead deer in the Superior region, how do you, um, chose your mate?
A: There's a school of thought that says you should find fresh road kill, while it's still warm. Pish-posh! If you do dead, do dead all the way. I like 'em cold and bloated!

Q: That's really disturbing, you know.
A: You're entitled to your opinion. I understand how society and the [does quote symbol with hands] liberal, anti-dead deer sex media sees it and I'm not down with their brainwashery. I'm at peace with my sexual preferences as all folks should be. I like dead animals, they give me a chub-on, what's the big whoop? Next question.

Q: I can only imagine the details of the act, but do you practice safe sex and what is safe sex with a carcass?
A: Oh I'm glad you used the word carcass, it turns me on, kind of human sex words do for other humans. I say human sex words, because I won't call words like cock and pussy [does quote symbol with hands again] normal, that would be giving in to the notion that would I do is abnormal. But to answer your question, safe sex is paramount when doing the nasty with Bambi. I always wear a condom.

Q: Why? I can't imagine there's any danger of STDs?
A: STDs? Hell you ain't too smart. That's nothing. I'm scared to death about lyme disease. Ticks come with the territory, a necessary nuisance, but that lyme disease shit will fuck you up worse than syphilis on cocaine.

Q: For someone who has sex with dead animals, you seem pretty well-adjusted?
A: Listen, I'm just like anyone else. I'm not defined by my sexual preference. I like to go up to a cabin on the North Shore and work on my other hobby ... knitting. I like some lefsa bread with my breakfast. I like the history of Finland. I like the Aurora Borealis. I like to volunteer at my church, especially if I can dole out the blood of Christ. I like the Minnesota Vikings. And, yes, one aspect of me is that I'm ravenously attracted to dead animals. I won't apologize for it.

Q: So why go public?
A: I had an epiphany when I was arrested for this [does quote symbol with hands again] crime. There must be others like me. I can't be the only one who gets the warm feeling all over them when they embrace a cold, dead animal. I just can't. The world is crying out for someone to champion this cause. I, a humble man in Superior, Wis, was chosen and I shall lead this cause into the mainstream.

 

So which female journalists did the baked deer to get ahead?

 

I think anybody who does either should be shot...

 

Can I ask how The Deer Humper got caught? Obviously, the deer didn't press charges. So, I'm to assume he decided he had to pump it right out in the open (bang 'em where they lie) and someone spotted him and ratted on him? He couldn't wait until he could take the deer home for a bit more private locale?

 

This caused me to throw the rest of my lunch away.

Well done.

 

Why did the horny hunter have sex with a dead deer?

A) Ever try to run down a live deer with your pants around your ankles?