SI swimsuit models rank hottest athletes

I thought she looked a lot like Christina Ricci.

 

Since Sxysprtswrtr (what's your aversion to vowels, btw?) did the honors and produced a master list of the dudes, I'll do the honors for the ladies, with some commentary.

20. Michelle Wie -- Weezy is one of those women who looks light years better in still photos than she does in person. I'm sure she'll blossom into a very pretty woman, but up close, she's a lot of elbows, acne and earrings.

19. Anastasia Myskina -- Ugh. Awful selection. Just bizarre. I can think of five (maybe 10) women on tour alone that are more attractive. I can only guess that these models picked her in an attempt to keep actual hotties like Amanda Beard off the list.

18. Sasha Cohen -- I'm uncomfortable with the idea of being aroused by someone who could walk into a 7th grade home room unnoticed. A pretty girl, for all you Nabakovs out there, I guess.

17. Lisa Leslie -- Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! My eyes! Put that jawbone away!

16. Becky Hammon -- Never heard of her until right now. Cute. Pretty. Nice smile. Calling her sexy feels like a stretch.

15. Veronika Kay -- Not a great picture, but a pretty girl. Little bit sun-baked, but very pretty.

14. Marion Jones -- Probably the worst possible picture they could have pulled. SI.com editor: "Hey, I've got an idea. Let's find a pic of Marion that highlights the fact that she and John Elway have the same overbite!" Would be hotter if I could get the image of a sweaty, poch-marked C.J. Hunter mounting her out of my head.

13. Natalie Coughlin -- Natalie, both in person and in photos, might have the most striking eyes of any female athlete alive. A babe.

12. Daniela Hantuchova -- No surprise that the models selected this one, since they obviously understand and admire how much focus eating nothing by celery and chicken broth requires. This is what one of the Olson twins would look like if they played tennis and ran gassers all day. I know Hantuchova is supposedly dealing with her anorexia issues, but this is just sad. She could practically wear my wrist watch as a belt. All sharp edges and sinew. I have a bad feeling we'll be reading a SI: Special Report about her in five years. Way, way too skinny.

11. Tara Dakides -- The hottest girl you'll ever wake and bake with. You could almost imagine shot-gunning PBR tallboys with her at a party, having sex with her in a bathroom, then watching her rawk out to old Pixies' records.

10. Anna Rawson -- Hot girl, bad picture. She's prettier than Natalie Gulbis, but I bet if they could find a picture of Gulbis that didn't look like she'd been walking though the infield of Talladega, Gulbis might have made the cut.

9. Tanith Belbin -- A very pretty girl. Lotta make-up. A shame figure skating is not a sport.

8. Gretchen Bleiler -- The girl you try to make out with after Tara Dakides passes out in the bathroom with barf on her Billabong sweatshirt. Very cute.

7. Alisa Camplin -- Very pretty. Has that Ainsley Hayes thing going on.

6. Malia Jones -- Very sexy. Extra points when half your google image searches turn up nudity. Atta girl, Malia.

5. Amy Acuff -- Always felt like she was a tad overrated. The models, however, speak of her body in reverential terms. Can look completely gorgeous a lot of the time, and can look like you might get a paper cut on her collar bone. Extra points for willingness to pose nude.

4. Carrie Tollefson -- What a bizare selection for the top 5. I mean, yeah, you could bounce a quarter off her stomach into a shot glass, but that gets old after, what, an hour?

3. Anna Kornikova -- Pre-weight loss, she's still HOF hot athlete material. Post-weight loss, she's like Skelator's evil daughter. "By the power of Greyskull, I wish you'd learned to hit a second serve!"

2. Gabby Reece -- One of the models describes her as an Amazon goddess. I'd say that's pretty accurate. I still think there was a government plot to get Reece and Laird Hamilton together to start breeding a race of tall, good-looking, super people. Graceful, which is hard to do at 6-foot-3.

1. Maria Sharapova -- This baffles me. I mean, we can get into the whole "it's so bullshit picking apart beautiful women on SportsJournalists.com" thing and it would be totally fair. Because she is a pretty girl. But so much of this has to do with marketing push, it's sad. It's like we're so desperate to have a new Kornikova that we're giving Sharapova a crown she's just not quite worthy of. She might very well be in the top 5, but c'mon.

As for the male list, I suspect that the only reason Derek Jeter did not make the top 20 is that he has banged 75 percent of the selection committee, and they are keeping him off out of spite.

 

Who ARE those people?

 

My keyboard had some missing keys when I created my name, what can I say?

Thanks for your commentary on the women.

Williams sisters left off?

 

DD - very impressive and solid analysis. I'm thinking outiside shot at post of the year.

Any truth to the rumor that you are working on a review of the top 20 female sports writers?

20 - Diane Pucin - arrrrrh - those glasses.Take them off her and she is top 10
19- Christine Brennen -

 

I wish I knew how to post pictures. Is it just me or does Becky Hammon look like the actress who plays Harriet Hayes on Studio 60?

 

Someone told me that's not the only thing they have in common...

 

Wow, a rumor about a female athlete being a lesbian or bisexual? I've NEVER heard that before.

 

Fair enough.

 

since Sportschick is voting for a ski racer, I gotta give some love to a lesser known US teamer, Libby Ludlow
http://www.libbyludlow.com/gallery.php?id=1

 

I haven't read this whole thread. But any list that has Nadal in the top 10 and Jason Taylor and Andy Roddick out of the top 15 is a sham.

Jason Taylor is possibly the hottest man alive.

 

They didn't mention James Blake.
Beyond Marat Safin, THE hottest man on the pro tour.
And it's impossible to take a bad pic of him.

No hair:




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No matter...