Should I stick a banana in the tailpipe?

And only now do I realize that 90% of the people clicking on this thread probably looked at the title and assumed I have an anal sex quandary. Alas...

There's this guy who lives in the house across from mine. He owns one of those gargantuan SUVs, like a Chevy Suburban or a Ford Monolith or something like that. His day starts just before 6 a.m., and I know this because that's when he walks out to his driveway, gets in his behemoth, starts the engine...and then goes back inside his house.

For half an hour.

Yes, for half an hour, his planet-sized vehicle rumbles loudly as he goes about the rest of his morning routine. We're not talking about a Ford Escort here. We're talking about a vehicle that sounds like a dragon digesting Tony Siragusa.

This never fails to wake me up. And I can only assume that since I'm across the street, it must REALLY wake up the next door neighbors.

I left a polite note under the guy's windshield wipers, asking him to keep in mind that he has a louder-than-normal vehicle and that it doesn't require 30 minutes to warm the engine. Fat lot of good that did.

So now my thoughts are turning elsewhere. I'd really like this to cease. Part of me entertains thoughts of retrobution, like super gluing an enormous dildo to the roof of his car while he sleeps. But a larger part of me just wants to stop being unnecessarily woken up at 6 a.m.

 

Or you could try ear plugs.

Otherwise, I think you're fucked. Noise ordinances generally stop at 6 a.m.

 

Take it in the ass.

 

BOING!

 

No. You should not.

C'mon, that's just dumb.

You need a big potato. A banana isn't big enough to clog that monster tailpipe.

 

Jesus, where do live that someone runs their car for 30 minutes to warm it up? Iceland? Talk about a waste of gas.

Why don't you help the guy build a garage. Then, he can warm it up in there....

 

No, not for a loud vehicle. Call the cops, ask if there's a local noise ordinance for vehicles. When they say "yes, it' can't be more than XX decibles at Y distance," tell them "well, come on over, we've got a problem."

And yeah, Ace is right. A potato is harder to get out and fills the tailpipe. Not like I ever did that in my teens or anything.

 

Wait until his SUV is really dirty, then write "wash me" on the back windshield. That'll show him.

 

The Cap'n gave me another idea.

Siphon the gas so that he's got enough for his 30 minutes of global warming and then runs out halfway down the street.

 

As if he's not getting the worst fuel mileage ever, he's running the fucker to E before he gets out of the lot.



You could plastic wrap his truck.

 

Upper deck him.

 

That's awesome.