Selena Must Not Have Children

It's like she writes stand-alone paragraphs about things she sees/reads and then blindly takes five or six of them out of the pile, arbitrarily order them, then send it to an editor.

 

Michael seems like virtually an impossible task. Hope you are paid by the hour for that work.

 

Just out of curiosity, I showed the column to a couple of friends who aren't in the business -- one male, one female, btw -- and they both said that if I hadn't asked them to read it, they would have given up before they got to the end. She just makes readers work too damn hard.

 

That's about right. She thinks of some oh-so-clever turns of phrase, then tries to string them together. But, you know, she gets paid for it so good for her.

 

I got to "poodle bed" and closed the window.

 

Not to turn everything into an occasion to discuss craft, but what the hell.

1) What is it, specifically, we don't like about this piece?

2) How do we fix it?

 

If you were to sum up the piece in a single, simple sentence, what would you say? I'm all for "different strokes for different folks." But at the end of the day, a reader should be able to understand the basic premise of the column. If you take away the final paragraph -- which feels like an afterthought to half-heartedly give the column a "point" -- the column is just meanderings.

In terms of fixing it, she needs a strong editor. Someone who say, "Selena, I think I might understand the larger point of this column, but I have to rummage through it like someone tearing up an attic to find grandma's old photo album. If you want to write columns using a finely-sharpened stiletto instead of a machete, that's great. But even the gentler touch requires you say something clearly. Now, what is it you are trying to say in this column?"

 

macg--To answer your second question, you probably don't, because the answer to the first question is: there are three separate subjects here, connected by smug cliches.

First we have Trite Parent Bashing #1, the Build-a-Bear ordeal. Never considered that the pursuit of an individualized bear could be a sign of shaky parenting, who knew.

Somehow this leads to Trite Parent Bashing #2, the sky-is-falling grief over a media-hyped DNA test. Build a Bear for Neurotic Parents, I guess.

Finally we get to Trite Parent Bashing #3, the Gladwell Birthdate Conspiracy. Build a Bear, Build A Kid.

Is there a way to sling all three together into a real topic? Maybe. But Gladwell already wrote a book about the third, the media has already bashed up the second, and the first, well, it's just dopey.

 

I think she is saying that instead of taking your 4 year old to Build a Bear you should take them to the Coco Channel Exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

 

I couldn't ''bear'' to read the whole thing.

 

I was bare ass while reading it.

 

It's funny that SI went from Reilly, who's columns read like he wasn't trying hard enough anymore, to Selena, who reads like she's trying too hard. This piece is just overwritten. The opening about the teddy bear store, for instance, needs to be boiled down from two paragraphs into about two sentences. Kids customize their teddy bears and now parents are trying to customize their kids -- just say that succinctly, instead of leading the reader through the maze of doodle bugs and poodle beds and chef smocks. Also, consider not trying to cram so much into one column. The Gladwell stuff reads like an afterthought, just a setup for the "Get a kit or get a room" line. Probably better not to shoehorn it into the last two paragraphs. I would tell Selena to relax, first of all, and not to try to do so much in such a tight space.