Say Hello to Suri Cruise! (courtesy of Katie Couric)

well there's that approach too...
but the kid does look like her... dad could be anyone

 

Not that I'm a baby expert, but isn't that kid a little too old to be born when their kid was?

 

That was my gut reaction -- the kid looked to be between, say, 9-12 months old.

 

Hey, where are Tom Cruise's other kids?? And why do they have a baby from Asia??

 

I had a friend who had a baby about the same time, and her kid still looks all red and a little wrinkly.

 

That kid's Asian.

I think it's Johnny Chan's kid.

 

That's EXACTLY what I thought.

What a couple of goddamned fucking freaks.

I can't wait til 2056, when there's some Hollywoodland-esque movie made about the lengths people went to to preserve the belief that Tom Cruise liked women.

 

That kid's at least a year old.

Seriously, when did she purportedly hatch that thing?

It's got a mullet, for fuck's sake.

 

Another thing...doesn't Katie look like she was photographed just as the chloroform was wearing off?

"Tom I want out ohhhhhhh *slumps unconscious*"

"Quick, prop her up and take a picture as she starts to wake up. There are a bunch of idiots who still think Tom is straight and we need to sell magazines to them."

 

At this point, wouldn't announcing his homosexuality be the most normal thing Tom Cruise could do?

Would announcing "I like sucking fat, meaty cocks" be any less disturbing than jumping up and down on Oprah's couch or belittling Brooke Shield's postpartum depression? I think not.

 

She's had that drugged look since the beginning of their "courtship".

I figure she took the cash and is meting it out for black tar heroin until her contract is up and she can escape the mother ship.

 

Thank God it was a girl. Otherwise, we'd be looking at Babs' Son, Part II.