Santa Claus question ...

It wasn't a big deal for me, but a co-worker of mine relayed a story about when she found out that Santa Claus wasn't real. It was kind of tragic for her at age 8 because of the way it was told to her (won't go into details).

Your story?

 

I knew Santa was fake when I realized we had no chimney or fireplace and my mother refused to keep a door unlocked for him.

 

I figured it out when I saw my parents bringing stuff down from the attic when they thought I was asleep. I guess I was 6 or 7. I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut though, knowing that having younger brothers and sisters would keep the good times rolling until I was 14 or so. (Santa NEVER brought clothes!)

 

This is fucking news to me.

Motherfuck.

 

I remember doing something in my room and thinking about this Santa Claus guy... how in the hell can me make it to all these houses all over the country as well as the world in one night? It hit me right then that no way this dude was fo' real.

 

We expect to see Mike in the news any minute now on a drunken and angry rampage at the local Wal-Mart.

"Santaaaaaaa! You fucking fraud!"

 

What's funny about that is the only thing I've got to do today is go to Wal-mart for wrapping paper. And there's a bottle of Jose Cuervo on my counter. ...

 

I knew when I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.

I haver never in my life seen my Dad that pissed off....

 

Man, sorry you found out this way. We were hoping to tell you in a year or two, when we thought you could handle it better.

 

Seriously, though. I saw my parents put gifts under the tree one year, and it made perfect sense to me. "Why were there so many gifts in my sister's room?" I thought. "There's no way she's that generous," I thought. "Fucking liars," I thought.

Then I told my brother the next year, though the stupid 3-year-old didn't believe me. Fool.

 

It's OK. I've still got the Easter Bunny, the Toothfairy and the Stork. I'm good.

 

Mikey dear, I really think we need to have a talk.