Ruminations from the Wal-Mart

Outstanding work. Did you get high before you went? That may account for time standing still.

Laughed at the receipt nazi description. You must have been in one of the high crime area Walmarts where greater becomes nazi receipt checker.

When ever stopped I am always quick to laugh and advise checker that in Iowa Walmart's they great you on way in instead of treating everyone as a criminal on the way out.

 

What I like to do sometimes when I'm at Wally World and standing in line with three-quarters of the other rural populace of north Louisiana is to say to the person next to me and loud enough for one of the managers to hear, "wonder what are the chances of opening up one of the other 34 lanes not in use?"
i love the see the reaction of the managers.
priceless.

 

I'm gonna channel spnited here: No one gives a fuck about your late-night trips to Wal-Mart. And guess what, no matter where you go late at night, if there's a gathering of people there, it's gonna be weird.

 

The Lane 8 checker was black, if it matters. And the receipt nazi reference either flew over your head or you've never been to a Wal-Mart. Or seen a certain episode of Seinfeld.

I bow in Bubbler's direction. If I'm ever half the poster he is, and tap into half the genius he does when he comes up with some of the things he sees, I'd be a hall of famer. This was merely one of those moments when I had a million thoughts in my head from a nothing trip to Wal-Mart and it seemed odd. I didn't know where else to share them.

 

She just had that look, you know. The nervous shuffling, the awkward and sheepish glances back at the rest of the line, a ton of items in the cart. Sometimes you can just sense these things.

 

The one I went to last night isn't too bad. They usually just stop and check you if you set off the security alarms. The one in the town I work in has a bunch of pricks. You could have $200 worth of groceries in your cart, check out at the register right in front of them, and still if they spy that unbagged 12-pack of Coke on the rack below the cart they stop you and spend five minutes sorting through your receipt.
I hate that place.

 

My two friends and I turned a corner during a late-night stop at Wal-Mart about eight years ago, and we heard two employees talking. The woman says to the man, "Gonorrhea ain't nothing to clap about."

I'll never hear anything as awesome as that.

 

Classy girl.

 

Not three months go by without one of my friends and I exchanging that message.

 

Some key facts missing from the Wal-Mart story ...

1. What excuse did no-good-debit lady use? "hmm, that's strange, I know there is money on it," or "The system must be down or somethin," or did she pull the old, "Try it again"?

2. No mention of a family with children under 2 with them. I love it when after deadline, I go to Wal-Mart and there are like 3 sets of families with kids around 2 or 3 who are up at 2 a.m. out shopping like that is the normal thing to do.

3. Was there any of the old, put backs going on? You know, someone maxes their limit and then has the cashier take like 2 or three things (never the cigarettes or beer, however) out of the cart to see if they can get the price down to something the card reader will accept. I really think this would work on Price is Right. Give a food-stamp user a cart full of stuff and then tell them to get the price down to say $150 and see if they can remove the right items to fit the bill in like 3 tries or less. They could call it the Welfare Poker game or something.

 

How'd you even know it was a debit card? Don't they look just like credit cards?

 

The cashier probably asked, "Debit or credit?"