Ripoff Alert: Children's books

So Kid Fantastic is hauling books off her shelf, one by one, for me to read to her. Great. Awesome. Her love for books rivals her dad's.

So she brings me Humpty Dumpty. And I notice, right there on the cover, that this tome of lierature cost $5.95!!!!!!!

I am SO going into that business, turning four-line nursery rhymes into unlimited profit margin!

RB

 

Modern art's my next gig. All some jackass has to do is shoot a few paintballs at a blank canvas, then it's art-world stardom. Tits, ass and money!

 

Don't forget to add a lobster phone. Also, make sure to tell everyone how they just don't get it.

 

No, he doesn't tell everyone that. The ones providing the tits and ass get told, "No one has ever understood the essence of my art the way you do."

 

See y'all in the NYT arts section, suckas.

And if one day I should become
A singer with a Spanish bum
Who sings for women of great virtue
I'd sing to them with a guitar
I borrowed from coffee bar
Well, what you don't know doesn't hurt you

My name would be Antonio
And all my bridges I would burn
And if I gave them some they'd know
I expect something in return

I'd have to get drunk every night
To talk about virility
With some old grandmother who might
Be decked out like a Christmas tree

And tho' pink elephants I'd see
I'd sing the song they sang to me
About the time they called me Jackie
If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way

And if I joined the social whirl
Became procurer of young girls
Then I would have my own bordellos
My record would be number one
And I'd sell records by the ton
All sung by many other fellows

My name would then be handsome Jack
And I'd sell boats of opium
Whiskey that came from Twickenham
Authentic queers and phony virgins

I'd have a bank on every finger
A finger in every country
And every country ruled by me
I still know where I'd want to be

Locked up inside my opium den
Surrounded by some Chinamen
I'd sing the song that I sang then
About the time they called me Jackie

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way

Now tell me wouldn't it be nice
That if one day in Paradise
I sang for all the ladies up there
And they would sing along with me
We'd be so happy there to be
'Cause down below is really nowhere

My name would then be Jupiter
And I would know where I was going
And then I would become all knowing
With my beard so long and flowing

If I became deaf dumb and blind
Because I pitied all mankind
And broke my heart to make things right
I know that every single night

When my angelic work was through
The angels and the devil too
Would sing my childhood song to me
About the time they called me Jackie

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way

 

Next time someone re-does Humpty, hope they make him something other than an egg. It's always assumed, but never stated.

 

Ripoff alert: RB is lifting posts straight from the standup act of Brian Regan.
http://www.myxer.com/video:589057/

("... and hey, what happens to that sock you always lose in the laundry?)

 

Huh. How about that. Didn't know that guy existed!

RB

 

I kid (sorta).
Actually, I've just been working all day and sweating my ass off. I'm just being an asshole. Apologies.

 

No offense taken. I figured mine wasn't an original thought in some context ... Was just dumbstruck by it today reading an eight-page cardboard book with a four-line nursery rhyme that costs more, retail, than a mid-level pron mag ... So I am told, that is.

RB

 

I'm just going to piss on this a bit.

How much pulp is needed to produce one of these books?

And...

Can you imagine the checks and double checks they have to pass because babies eat these books?

 

Speaking of modern art, I was in a museum one time and one piece was a table and two chairs nailed to a wall. That was it.