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Ripoff Alert: Children's books

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Rockbottom, May 23, 2009.

  1. Rockbottom

    Rockbottom Active Member

    So Kid Fantastic is hauling books off her shelf, one by one, for me to read to her. Great. Awesome. Her love for books rivals her dad's.

    So she brings me Humpty Dumpty. And I notice, right there on the cover, that this tome of lierature cost $5.95!!!!!!!

    I am SO going into that business, turning four-line nursery rhymes into unlimited profit margin!

    RB
     
  2. writing irish

    writing irish Active Member

    Modern art's my next gig. All some jackass has to do is shoot a few paintballs at a blank canvas, then it's art-world stardom. Tits, ass and money!
     
  3. dreunc1542

    dreunc1542 Active Member

    Don't forget to add a lobster phone. Also, make sure to tell everyone how they just don't get it.
     
  4. waterytart

    waterytart Active Member

    No, he doesn't tell everyone that. The ones providing the tits and ass get told, "No one has ever understood the essence of my art the way you do."
     
  5. writing irish

    writing irish Active Member

    See y'all in the NYT arts section, suckas.



    And if one day I should become
    A singer with a Spanish bum
    Who sings for women of great virtue
    I'd sing to them with a guitar
    I borrowed from coffee bar
    Well, what you don't know doesn't hurt you

    My name would be Antonio
    And all my bridges I would burn
    And if I gave them some they'd know
    I expect something in return

    I'd have to get drunk every night
    To talk about virility
    With some old grandmother who might
    Be decked out like a Christmas tree

    And tho' pink elephants I'd see
    I'd sing the song they sang to me
    About the time they called me Jackie
    If I could be for only an hour
    If I could be for an hour every day
    If I could be for just one little hour
    Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way

    And if I joined the social whirl
    Became procurer of young girls
    Then I would have my own bordellos
    My record would be number one
    And I'd sell records by the ton
    All sung by many other fellows

    My name would then be handsome Jack
    And I'd sell boats of opium
    Whiskey that came from Twickenham
    Authentic queers and phony virgins

    I'd have a bank on every finger
    A finger in every country
    And every country ruled by me
    I still know where I'd want to be

    Locked up inside my opium den
    Surrounded by some Chinamen
    I'd sing the song that I sang then
    About the time they called me Jackie

    If I could be for only an hour
    If I could be for an hour every day
    If I could be for just one little hour
    Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way

    Now tell me wouldn't it be nice
    That if one day in Paradise
    I sang for all the ladies up there
    And they would sing along with me
    We'd be so happy there to be
    'Cause down below is really nowhere

    My name would then be Jupiter
    And I would know where I was going
    And then I would become all knowing
    With my beard so long and flowing

    If I became deaf dumb and blind
    Because I pitied all mankind
    And broke my heart to make things right
    I know that every single night

    When my angelic work was through
    The angels and the devil too
    Would sing my childhood song to me
    About the time they called me Jackie

    If I could be for only an hour
    If I could be for an hour every day
    If I could be for just one little hour
    Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way
     
  6. KJIM

    KJIM Well-Known Member

    Next time someone re-does Humpty, hope they make him something other than an egg. It's always assumed, but never stated.
     
  7. Killick

    Killick Well-Known Member

    Ripoff alert: RB is lifting posts straight from the standup act of Brian Regan.
    http://www.myxer.com/video:589057/

    ("... and hey, what happens to that sock you always lose in the laundry?)
     
  8. Rockbottom

    Rockbottom Active Member

    Huh. How about that. Didn't know that guy existed!

    RB
     
  9. Killick

    Killick Well-Known Member

    I kid (sorta).
    Actually, I've just been working all day and sweating my ass off. I'm just being an asshole. Apologies.
     
  10. Rockbottom

    Rockbottom Active Member

    No offense taken. I figured mine wasn't an original thought in some context ... Was just dumbstruck by it today reading an eight-page cardboard book with a four-line nursery rhyme that costs more, retail, than a mid-level pron mag ... So I am told, that is.

    RB
     
  11. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    I'm just going to piss on this a bit.

    How much pulp is needed to produce one of these books?

    And...

    Can you imagine the checks and double checks they have to pass because babies eat these books?
     
  12. Speaking of modern art, I was in a museum one time and one piece was a table and two chairs nailed to a wall. That was it.
     
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