RIP Zalman King

Versatile · Feb 4, 2012

I don't know. I'll never know. But, you have to remember, he did have nightly access to the channel.

Bubbler · Feb 4, 2012

Versatile said:

I don't know. I'll never know. But, you have to remember, he did have nightly access to the channel.
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I meant while you were there.

Versatile · Feb 4, 2012

Bubbler said:

Versatile said:

I don't know. I'll never know. But, you have to remember, he did have nightly access to the channel.
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I meant while you were there.
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Right. I would assume he waited until I was gone. I'll never know, and I don't want to know.

Inky_Wretch · Feb 4, 2012

Steak Snabler said:

21 said:

Steak Snabler said:

Anybody remember who the narrator was for Red Shoe Diaries?
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David Duchovny? I admit, loved The Red Shoe Diaries.
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Indeed.
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But did you know Margaret Cho appeared in an episode?

dooley_womack1 · Feb 4, 2012

Versatile said:

I remember the first time I saw a Zalman King movie. I was at a friend's house for a sleepover. We were 12. He didn't actually subscribe to Cinemax. It came in black-and-white on the downstairs TV. No sound, not that we could have listened to it anyway. His mother was asleep upstairs. We were terrified to wake her.

I had only recently begun to explore myself at that age. I had seen the titty magazines of the day. I had never seen a movie, though. My father was pretty conservative, and I had no uncles, older brothers or close cousins to show me the ropes of the porn industry. I distinctly recall my first time masturbating because I had no idea what the hell was wrong with me. I was terrified. But I liked this kind of fear.

That soft-core pornography was something completely different than the magazines. It was real, and women were much sexier when gyrating their hips on top of a man than they were while posing awkwardly for Playboy or the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. After 15 minutes or so, I told my friend I needed to use the bathroom. I masturbated while thinking about that movie, cleaned up and returned to enjoy the rest of the film. He was none the wiser. The film was terrible.

It became a tradition of ours. We would watch dirty movies and steal swigs of his mom's crappy Canadian whiskey. I didn't always masturbate. After the movies got clean again and there was no purpose for watching the black-and-white, mute Cinemax channel, we'd play some video games, get a few hours of sleep and have his mom take us out for pancakes the next morning. It's how good friends become best friends.

I don't watch soft-core porn these days. I can't tell you the last time I saw a Zalman King movie. There's really no reason to shell out for Cinemax, and even if I did, the hard-core stuff has jaded me to the lighter fare. It doesn't help that, now that I have a better understanding of the female anatomy, I'm more alert to the fact that the woman usually tend to hump bellybutton in those films. But in a way, those soft-core movies made by Zalman King (and, presumably, others) pushed me into adulthood and fortified a friendship that remains strong to this day.

Rest in peace, Zalman King.
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I never thought I'd go Care Bear-less in my sigs. But it had to be.

Batman · Feb 4, 2012

What makes Versatile's post even better is if you imagine an intrigued David Duchovny reading it aloud while talking to his dog and standing outside a diner.

Blitz · Feb 4, 2012

Awesome post, Vers!

(And I'm glad I didn't do an avatar bet with you on Brees/Rodgers)

Brees will be a starting Super Bowl QB next season, watch and see.

three_bags_full · Feb 4, 2012

Versatile said:

I remember the first time I saw a Zalman King movie. I was at a friend's house for a sleepover. We were 12. He didn't actually subscribe to Cinemax. It came in black-and-white on the downstairs TV. No sound, not that we could have listened to it anyway. His mother was asleep upstairs. We were terrified to wake her.

I had only recently begun to explore myself at that age. I had seen the titty magazines of the day. I had never seen a movie, though. My father was pretty conservative, and I had no uncles, older brothers or close cousins to show me the ropes of the porn industry. I distinctly recall my first time masturbating because I had no idea what the hell was wrong with me. I was terrified. But I liked this kind of fear.

That soft-core pornography was something completely different than the magazines. It was real, and women were much sexier when gyrating their hips on top of a man than they were while posing awkwardly for Playboy or the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. After 15 minutes or so, I told my friend I needed to use the bathroom. I masturbated while thinking about that movie, cleaned up and returned to enjoy the rest of the film. He was none the wiser. The film was terrible.

It became a tradition of ours. We would watch dirty movies and steal swigs of his mom's crappy Canadian whiskey. I didn't always masturbate. After the movies got clean again and there was no purpose for watching the black-and-white, mute Cinemax channel, we'd play some video games, get a few hours of sleep and have his mom take us out for pancakes the next morning. It's how good friends become best friends.

I don't watch soft-core porn these days. I can't tell you the last time I saw a Zalman King movie. There's really no reason to shell out for Cinemax, and even if I did, the hard-core stuff has jaded me to the lighter fare. It doesn't help that, now that I have a better understanding of the female anatomy, I'm more alert to the fact that the woman usually tend to hump bellybutton in those films. But in a way, those soft-core movies made by Zalman King (and, presumably, others) pushed me into adulthood and fortified a friendship that remains strong to this day.

Rest in peace, Zalman King.
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Holy shit.

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RIP Zalman King

Versatile Active Member

Bubbler Well-Known Member

Versatile Active Member

Inky_Wretch Well-Known Member

dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

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RIP Zalman King

Versatile Active Member

Bubbler Well-Known Member

Versatile Active Member

Inky_Wretch Well-Known Member

dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

Batman Well-Known Member

Blitz Active Member

three_bags_full Well-Known Member

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