RIP George Carlin

"Want me to put my seat back to its original, upright position? Fiiiine. Who's going to put the guy in the Grateful Dead T-shirt and the Fuck You hat to HIS original upright position?"
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"Run into a bakery and say, 'canyoubakeacakeintheshapeofaPENIS?"

 

"Order more flour, Helen!"

 

"Go into a laundry, hand 'em your shirt an' tell 'um tah rotate the buttons..."

 

His language stuff was his hallmark, but his observational powers were incredible. His thing about cats and dogs might be my all-time favorite:

 

"I remember something my third grade teacher used to say. She used to say "You show me a tropical fruit, and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala."
[laughter]
"No, wait... that wasn't her. That was a guy I met in the Army. I always get those two mixed up."

 

And then there are the two-way words like prick...You can prick your finger but you better not finger your prick!

On the book shelf right above my PC is a 900-page paperback called "3XCarlin" ... "Brain Droppings," "Napalm and Silly Putty" and "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops" in one volume.

RIP to one of the all-time greats

 

I saw him live once, and the first thing he said when he came out on stage was, "You ever notice women who are against abortion are women you wouldn't want to fuck anyway?" That was his opener. He owned it from there.

 

"How come his stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?"...funniest bit ever. I've used the line on here about supply lines becoming longer and harder to maintain.

RIP. And remember, it's better to be 75 percent transcontinental than 75 percent trans-Atlantic.

 

My first reaction was Shit, Piss, Fuck, pussycat, Cocksucker, Motherfucker and Tits. How many comedians today get the Supreme Court to judge their material?
Excuse the length - and thanks for making me appreciate language George.

Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!

 

Hopefully, at his wake, someone will start this cheer,

"Ratshit, batshit, dirty old twat.
Sixty-nine assholes, tied in a knot.
Yay! Pigeon shit! FUCK!"

Really irony (or maybe it isn't) is that most of Carlin's opener in his most recent special was about the bullshit we all say and do when someone dies.

 

Awesome post, Dan. I can hear him saying that...all, it seemed, in one breath.

He was remarkable.