Restaurant/bar horror stories

zeke, after going a few rounds with food poisoning, you inspect your vittles in ways that would put Howard Hughes to shame.

 

We had one each..... and just so I'm clear, we hadn't had any shots yet that night - thank God.

 

Just checkin... I know how Mrs. Big Red likes her free alcohol shots...

 

This isn't a restaurant or bar story, but it's a food story.

My older brother (picture The Rooster from the David Sedaris stories, only more into hair metal) used to work in an ice cream factory. At this time, I was working in a dry cleaners. (My parents were real proud of their sons that summer.) Anyway, up to armpits in hot shirts, my phone rings. It's my brother.

"I've cut off my finger, what do you think I should do?"

Of course, I tear over to the factory. Sure enough, my brother is missing his right index finger. He's kind of in shock, just looking at the stump. (He was still wearing his freezer parka, too, even though it was a million degrees outside.) Turns out, he'd been making cherry ice cream, and the dicer got jammed. He decides to poke his finger around inside the dicer to unjam it. That does the trick, but it also slices off his finger and spits it out into a giant vat of cherry ice cream.

After some digging, another guy and I find my brother's finger. It was in pretty good shape, considering, so we took him to the hospital, along with his finger. They reattached it. Today, years later, it works fine, but he has no feeling in it. So he can move it, but he can bite the end of it hard as shit and not feel it. That's one of his favorite party tricks, by the way.

Anyway, we head back to the factory, where the manager has, in his wisdom, decided to package the vat of cherry ice cream, swearing up and down that he had scooped out the pocket where my brother's finger had been. However, I failed to believe that he had accounted for what I imagine was considerable blood spatter, invisible in the ribbons of cherries.

I lost the argument, though. That ice cream went out.

 

Not quite a horror story, but aggravating ...
Went to the local BK for one of those double Texas Whoppers the other day. I walk in and there are already several people waiting for food. One of the fry machines was beeping nonstop and the counter help was in the middle of giving directions to the back several times over.
I decided to stay anyway and ordered my food, without onions. Then I waited and listened to the beeping. Ten minutes gone, then 20.
Finally, I see my food. They start to put it on the tray and proceed to dump it on the floor. They call back the order without onions. A guy comes out, sees me sitting there and asks if I've been waiting. I told him, "Yes, and you just dumped my food on the floor."
They call my number and I get my tray, sit down and bite into the Texas Whopper. Onions.

 

Does my seven-week doomed courtship of a smokin' hot cocktail waitress count as a horror story?

 

Not an exact horror story given the ages involved, but...

Just this past Friday I was eating lunch at school with my kindergardner. I took her McDonalds. They eat around 11 a.m., so I wasn't that hungry but I broght in something for me just to humor her. Anyway, she shares her fries with her friends and then decides to share my fries. She offers some of my fries to Paul. Paul takes his finger out of his nose and reaches into my fries. Paul got to eat the rest of the fries.

 

I was in a restaurant once with this girl, Audrey. Her father owned the joint, and he said he was going to make a special dinner just for me and Audrey. Pretty sweet of him. So I go to take a leak, and as I'm washing my hands, I see the father. He comes out of a stall but doesn't wash his hands before heading back to, presumably, finish the meal I'm going to eat. Audrey wasn't happy with me when I turned the food down.

 

Could it be that he washed his hands in the kitchen?

 

Could it be Cosmo, like me, watches too much Seinfeld?

 

Poppy is kinda sloppy.

 

Dude, why the hell did you wait 20 minutes for fast food? You could have driven to another BK, ordered your food and eaten it in that time.