Response to nasty emails

Use Billy's method.

No matter how many nasty emails I get, rather than give them the satisfaction of knowing they got to me, I type:

I appreciate your response. It's readers like you that help keep our coverage hard-hitting, informative and vibrant.

Thanks for reading, and have a great day!

XXXXX XXXXXX

The exclamation point usually works wonders. And I can't count the number of times I've gotten shameful responses back from the emailers, who apologize for losing their temper and go on to admit how much they read and enjoy my work.

It's satisfying each and every time it happens.

 

Or...

You get the "No, you don't appreciate my letter. Dont patronize me!"
Then you have to resist the urge to replay "But I'm not patronizing, I'm condescening..."

 

Resistance is futile. I'd be spell-checking when being condescending, though. Not every place is Alabama.

 

That one doesn't happen nearly as much. When it does, I think it's just as funny though because they see through the kind words and know that you really hope they choke on their own vomit and die someday.

Sometimes I'll see threads from fans on the messageboards of the team I cover marveling at how no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get a rise out of me and that I was actually pleasant to them.

 

I've seen your raw copy. You'd be spellchecking all the time, not just when you're condescending.....
Wait. Why waste this on each other... where's Gus?

 

But I use the spell-check, Gomer. And yeah, where is ol' Toothy?

 

MISTER Gomer to you, beeyatch... and he's here, on-line...

And congrats on the MPA award. While I was impressed with the second place, you should be slapped for not coming up with a feature story that was better than Mulherin's.

 

I write want I want to say, look at it for a minute, delete it and move on.

 

I can't count the number of times I have done that ... even on here.

Usually, I just send a quick simple, "Thanks for taking time to send me your thoughts. I hope you will keep reading and offer opinions when and where you see fit."

Orvil ..

 

Sometimes I try to explain my position and I almost always thank them for writing. But sometimes when they're real dicks, I write back with something like, "Thank you so much for your humorous thoughts. It gave me quite a chuckle." I never hear from them again.

 

Dear reader,

While we may disagree, I appreciate your opinion and that you took the time to write. I assure you I read and consider every email I recieve. Thanks for corresponding. Please feel welcome to do so again.

Sincerely,

James Thomas Pinch

 

I don't do it that often, but I've had a number of satisfying episodes where I've received diatribes, really nasty shit, and responded politely and in a reasoned way, and gotten an extremely contrite, "I'm sorry I was so nasty" re-response.

Killing 'em with kindness can be a lot of fun.