Recruiting story

And down the stretch they come.

Basketball recruiting is not unlike horseracing. The contenders close, drama builds, and fans brace for a photo-finish.

In this case Quintrell Thomas is the prize. He’s one of the top uncommitted players in the Northeast, and arguably one of the top 100 recruits in the class of 2008.

Thomas returned this Sunday from his visit to Maryland, the second of four official visits that ends with an Oct. 12 trip to UNLV. He next flies to Kansas on Sept. 28-29.

Two down, two to go. Can you feel the pressure?

“I have two more visits, so I’m still pretty comfortable now,” Thomas said Sunday afternoon.

On his visit with Maryland, Thomas said he ate dinner with the coaches but mostly played with the Terrapin players. “I’m comfortable with the players there,” he said. “And there will be playing time there, too.”

Last week Thomas made an official visit to Rutgers, when the football team posted pinball-like scoring numbers on Norfolk State “The atmosphere there is good,” Thomas said, and then impressed added, “Rutgers team is kinda’ good, too.”

Ultimately the Scarlet Knights want recruits to feel the same way about the basketball team. Mike Rosario did. Christian Morris did. So, too, did a solid 2007 class, which included fellow Newark-native Corey Chandler.

Thomas, 6-foot-8 and 225 pounds, mentioned some positives about Rutgers. “I can go there and play right away; they actually have a need at my position,” he said.

Thomas mentioned also that his mother had dinner alone with the Rutgers staff, and came away pleased. “She’s been telling me to do whatever makes me happy,” Thomas said. “Fred Hill is easy to relate to.”

Most coaches see Thomas as a “step-out four,” in college, similar to the position Jeff Green handled at Georgetown on his way to becoming the No. 5 pick in the N.B.A. Draft.

“That’s what I’m going to start playing (in college),” he said. “I worked on my ball-handling a lot more, and I’m a lot more comfortable handling the ball now too. That’s going to show a lot this year.”

Two schools still after Thomas are Kansas (“an established program”) and UNLV, cities in faraway reaches of the map. The former is a perennial title contender; the latter made the Round of 16 for the first time since 1991.

“I think about that at times,” said Thomas, on weighing the pros and cons of leaving the East Coast. And while many thought he was set on leaving New Jersey, Thomas has said things have changed.

“I actually thought a little bit more about that (being away from home) and, basically, Rutgers is far enough away from home to still be on your own.”

However, it seems at this point - whether it’s playing time or championships; Bill Self or Gary Williams; Scarlet Knights or Running Rebels; home or away– all schools are set for the stretch run.

And whichever program lands Thomas, they are getting a tough player from Newark, N.J., someone who runs the floor like a gazelle and plays tough defense and rebounds like it’s a badge of honor.

Thomas said he expects a decision in October, as St. Patrick (N.J.) prepares for yet another Tournament of Champions title.

“Coach Boyle said this is the year I’m going to have to step it up,” Thomas said.

In his eyes, this season it is paramount to add “10 more points” and post “five or six rebounds to his average. The Celtics are young but loaded, despite losing two Division-I players to graduation– Corey Fisher and Jeff Robinson.

“We lost two D-1 players, but we still got six,” said Thomas. “(Hoop Scoop top-rated freshman) Michael Gilchrist and Shaquille Stokes are coming. They’re as good as anyone.”

More than his fresh-faced teammates, Thomas is approaching his fate with a Division I scholarship, like Fisher and Robinson.

Thomas' fate, his future, his spot one of four school's rosters, is waiting.

And it's whenever he makes the final call.

Then, Quintrell Thomas is not just the prize. He's in the winner's circle.

 

Thanks for posting. Sorry this is long.

First question I have to ask, is what is your audience?

Is it fans of the high school team Thomas plays for?
Rutgers?
A story on recruiting in general?

I understand without a headline and art it makes it difficult, but a little background would have helped.

Now, your lede is OK. Not would I would have preferred. Why not some more background on this Thomas player. No where do I see his stats from high school, only that he wants to "add 10 more points" and post "five or six rebounds to his average." What is his average?

Or a story about what he's going through on these recruiting trips. Is it fun? Sounds like it, give me examples.

Give me background on this kid, from his high school coach, his mom, current teammates.

Other than he's 6-8, 225, there is really nothing about WHY Rutgers or any school want this kid? Just because he plays like Jeff Green? Can most of your audience relate a player to "Jeff Green" style? Probably not. Give description.

I'm taking this kid is not a very good quote, as evident by your quotes. One thing that can help that would be follow up questions when you interview him.

"The atmosphere there is good. Rutgers team is kinda good, too."

"I have two more visits, so I'm still pretty comfortable now."

These two quotes BEG of a follow up. What is it about the atmosphere you like? Do you not feel any pressure to choose a school because it's so far in the future? When is your date line? Do you think you'll ever start to feel pressure to choose?

"I'm comfortable with the players there. And there will be playing time there, too."
Why is there playing time at Maryland? What happened? This program is competing for Thomas with Rutgers, give background on why Maryland needs him.

As far as your transitions into your quotes... "Thomas mentioned" "Thomas also mentioned"... that stuff is pointless. He's a source, use him to give description. Or other sources. As far as "Thomas' mother" you never give her name and in Thomas' quote regarding that meeting, who the hell is Fred Hill?

Look, I can go on and on here... you have one source, the transitions from graph to graph are pretty poor and some of the reporting is lacking.

Best thing I could say is talk to more sources, use less quote and read some solid stories and look how writers transition in and out of quotes and use quotes. It will be a big help.

 

the audience knows who this kid is, and we've run plenty of stories on him. But I still need to ask better follow-up questions. Most of them try to say the right things about schools, and it's not for a newspaper but a fan site. I'll agree it's not the best, and that's why I report for a fan site.

 

Honestly...dawgpound, i have a question to ask:
WHY AM I DOING THIS?
And how can I improve my transitions? I've heard this many times.
In the next two weeks I'll be stringing football gamers...I want to do solid reporting, if nothing else. Solid transitions too.
This was a recruiting update, and like I said before, it could've had more sources.

 

Well, why are you doing this? Do you enjoy the craft and art of writing? I think you do and you want to get better. That’s why you come here.

That’s a great, first step.

Now, let’s focus on the positives. How you tied your lede with the end of the piece, I love that. Gives the reader a reward for making it to the end of the story.

Let’s face it, game stories and recruting stories can be dry, but you can add some flavor to them. By flavor, I don’t mean make it sound like a SportsCenter segment.

When talking to Thomas, observe him. How does he carry himself, does he do anything abnormal, is his mom feeding him chicken? Look to add depth to this kid.

As far as your transitions, use your sources and get more than one. It’s an old adage, that we can write better than what people speak. You have these instances all over this story you could have used and it wouldn’t be quote after quote after quote. Use those quotes to write about what they’re saying. Thomas mentioned he liked the atmosphere at a Rutgers’ football game. What is that atmosphere then ask him why he liked it. What about it did he enjoy? Then use the quote.

“That atmosphere there is good. Rutgers’ team is kinda good, too.”

No shit? Watch no shit quotes. If you can follow up a statement with no shit, then it’s a bad quote.

Below you had a no shit quote, but it was followed by a good graph that would have been great if you would have provided solid numbers to back up the “add 10 more points” and “five to six more rebounds to his average.”

“Coach Boyle said this is the year I’m going to have to step it up,” Thomas said.

In his eyes, this season it is paramount to add “10 more points” and post “five or six rebounds to his average. The Celtics are young but loaded, despite losing two Division-I players to graduation– Corey Fisher and Jeff Robinson

Now, look at these three graphs. Three times it mentions that Thomas as four recruting visits:

Thomas returned this Sunday from his visit to Maryland, the second of four official visits that ends with an Oct. 12 trip to UNLV. He next flies to Kansas on Sept. 28-29.

Two down, two to go. Can you feel the pressure?

“I have two more visits, so I’m still pretty comfortable now,” Thomas said Sunday afternoon.

Instead it could have been written:

Thomas returns this Sunday from his visit to Maryland, the second of four official visits. He’ll visit Kansas on Sept. 28-29 before his tour ends Oct. 12 at UNLV.
Halfway through, Thomas is not feeling any pressure regarding his future.
“I’m still pretty comfortable now,” Thomas said.