Quotes You Never Could Print

It wasn't me, but a veteran reporter at one of my stops was doing a notebook about a softball team about to play for a state championship. The lead item was about the senior pitcher, who used a slingslot motion rather than a windmill when throwing. The coach, an old timer himself, remarked that the development of the girl's breasts helped with her delivery. I think the veteran reporter already had a beer or three in him when he wrote this up.

The SE at the time (somebody who's been discussed on this site before) actually made the right call by not only spiking the story, but sending it back with the remark "Are you CRAZY???"

 

Dude, there's nothing better than hooters flopping all whichways during softball. Readers eat that shit up.

 

Had a reporter come back once with a quote from a coach who said he was "pissed." She asked if she should use it, and I said hell yes, because it summed up how he felt. It captured the moment. Words like ass and pissed aren't exactly the seven on Carlin's list.

While I'm thinking about it, here's a great quote from a soccer coach on a season preview story. My reporter asked him about his defense, and he said it wasn't worth talking about because, "All we have back there are freshmen and girls."

Ahh, the stuff the public never gets to hear.

 

It's one year later after star football player mysteriously breaks his leg the week before the postseason. His team is back in the playoffs the following season and I'm doing a feature on the team.

I have a vague understanding of how he hurt himself coming into the interview, but what I get is a tale of drunken debauchery which involves jumping off a roof several times in the nude.

I clean it up the best I could, but I do run with most of it. The kid was 18. I repeatedly warned him and the coach that I couldn't completely look the other way on all of this.

Well there's a bunch of hell to pay the day it runs. The parents and coaches throw a bitch, but the kid loved the attention.

 

Covered a high school football game a few years back where the winning team scored two touchdowns on a fumble rooskie and a long halfback pass, and won 30-29 when the visiting team missed a 30-yard field goal in the closing seconds.
Asked the winning coach if he felt lucky to get out with a win.
He smiles and says, "Man, we were luckier than a man with two dicks."

 

Doing a preview story for a 5-5 team in my area playing a 10-0 team that was considered invincible.

Quote went something like "All we need to do is get out there on the opening drive, knock them on their heels and make their assholes pucker up."

Another instance, I was interviewing a softball coach after a doubleheader sweep that improved their record to something like 8-12. I asked if this was a great boost to the team's morale and she said "Probably, but I bet their parents still won't stop bitching."

 

Once had a wrestling coach, upset about an ref's ruling, say, "Usually I don't care who it is jerking me off, but this time it was awful. You know what I mean?"

 

After a string of come-from-behind wins, a veteran college baseball coach once told a colleague:

"The only thing I like doing from behind is fucking."

 

What's wrong with talking about a 16-year-old's boobs?