Questions for God

Blasphemous? Probably. But nothing negative is intended for this.

If you could ask three questions of God (or Allah, or whomever you worship, if you do indeed worship), what would you ask him?

1. Who's your favorite football and baseball team?

2. Who really shot JFK?

3. How do YOU stand on issues like the death penalty, abortion, gay rights, etc.?

 

God, will this thread end well?

 

Dear god,
Hope you got the letter,
And I pray you can make it better down here.
I dont mean a big reduction in the price of beer,
But all the people that you made in your image,
See them starving on their feet,
cause they dont get enough to eat

From god,
I cant believe in you.

Dear god,
Sorry to disturb you,
But I feel that I should be heard loud and clear.
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears,
And all the people that you made in your image,
See them fighting in the street,
cause they cant make opinions meet,
About god,
I cant believe in you.

Did you make disease, and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too!

Dear god,
Dont know if you noticed,
But your name is on a lot of quotes in this book.
Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look,
And all the people that you made in your image,
Still believing that junk is true.
Well I know it aint and so do you,
Dear god,
I cant believe in,
I dont believe in,

I wont believe in heaven and hell.
No saints, no sinners,
No devil as well.
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.
Youre always letting us humans down.
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And its the same the whole world round.
The hurt I see helps to compound,
That the father, son and holy ghost,
Is just somebodys unholy hoax,
And if youre up there youll perceive,
That my hearts here upon my sleeve.
If theres one thing I dont believe in...

Its you,
Dear god.

 

XTC?

 

Why do you hate America?

Was it really the dog, and not my ex-wife, who farted that day in June of 2003?

Who are the five people I will meet in heaven?

 

Uh, got any gum? [/letterman]

 

Where did you come from?

 

- Why do you hate the Pittsburgh Pirates?

- Recommend any beard trimmers?

- Why can't communion taste like jalapeno poppers?

- Honestly, are you guys bowling up there during a thunderstorm?

- Anywhere I can buy MD Baja Blast without stepping into a Taco Bell?

 

What if you were a stranger on the bus?

 

Would you ever wear a clip-on nose ring?

 

Boxers? Briefs?

 

Is my dad OK?

Can you give him a hug for me?

Can you tell him I love him, because I didn't get a chance to.