Puppy horror stories

Watching a relative's dog for two weeks. I generally like dogs. I do not like this dog.

Two straight days, we have let the dog into the house. The dog immediately jumps on the couch. As soon as we yell at her to get the fuck off the couch, she gets nervous and pisses all over the couch.

It's almost like we get punished for punishing her. If we gently tell her it's not OK to be on the couch, she won't learn. If we sternly tell her to get off the couch, she will piss on it and then get off.

So plan C is in order. She is never allowed in my house again, for I do not like the smell of dog piss on my belongings. Hope she enjoys garages.

Anyone else have puppy horror stories?

 

Yelling at puppies instills fear and does not work. That is all.

 

Jack tore a hole in the couch tonight but good. Ms. Slappy has had him in his crate for two hours while I'm at work.
It's my couch, but she's more pissed than I am.
She was in the other room and heard something tearing... the fabric at the bottom of the couch. She looked and he was trying to get a tennis ball from under the couch -- something he's fond of rolling a ball under then trying to get the ball out when he knows he can't.
I can get rid of the tennis balls or Jack....

 

Why wouldn't you just pick up the puppy and take her off the couch? Dogs only know so many words...if the real owner doesn't us those words (ie, get the fuck off the couch), the puppy has no clue what you want. She just gets scared and pees.

 

Yes.

It also helps to provide a reward (affection, words, treat) when placing the puppy on the ground, so she knows that is where she should be.

 

What they said -- you scared the piss outta the dog.
She's excited being in the house. Entice her off the with a treat or a tennis ball or something else it likes. The dog will associate getting off the couch with the treat or whatever.

 

Noted. Obviously I've never owned a dog.

Now...how do you get piss odor out of a couch?

 

Or, leave the dog in the garage.

My stepfather has dibs on best animal-inside-the-house line ever: "If God wanted dogs in the house, he'd have taught them how to flush the fucking toilet."

 

You'd think someone named Shaggy would know dogs.

Give it a Scooby Snack.

 

Pet stores sell sprays that will take the smell out.

And I believe that any horror stories you have won't hold a candle to mine: I got a wonderful trip to the ER when I was 12 and my dog (two-year-old lab) dragged me down the alley. I got to see my kneecap and have 27 stitches in my knee and I started a new school with most of my leg covered in gauze, so most of my classmates thought I had an incurable disease.

 

Piss on your couch where the dog pissed.

When mixed, human and dog urine have a chemical reaction which eliminates any odor.

So, piss on your couch and your problem will be solved!

 

Done. And for good measure, I crapped on it too.

Now what?