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Prep baseball game story

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by -Scoop-, May 28, 2008.

  1. -Scoop-

    -Scoop- Member

    A prep baseball gamer from earlier this year. Any constructive critique is much appreciated!


    Give the United Longhorns four days, and they can make old news out of bad memories.
    Since Tuesday’s heartbreaking 4-3 loss to district rival Alexander, United has been relentless.
    The Longhorns (3-1 29-5A) defeated Nixon (0-4), 10-0, in a five-inning, run-ruled district matchup Saturday at Krueger Field.
    The win came on the heels of Friday’s 13-2 thrashing of Eagle Pass.
    “I told our guys after the Alexander game that hopefully they (Alexander) woke a sleeping giant,” United Coach J.J Gomez said. “Since then, we’ve gotten after it and played the kind of baseball we know we can.” But while the offense has gone through a drastic revival, it was senior Danny Navarro’s lights-out pitching that stole the show.
    The righthander threw a complete-game no-hitter, striking out six and walking none in five innings.
    An outfield error that allowed Nixon’s Ruben Garcia to reach base in the second inning prevented a perfect game.
    “I was pretty confident,” Navarro said. “I had my fastball and curveball working, and I was able to mix up things a little more with my splitfinger. But when you have a defense like we do, it makes it easier to pitch and throw strikes.” Of the 16 Mustangs who stepped to the plate, four accounted for fly-outs and five for ground-outs.
    “Pitching and defense will always give you a chance to win,” Gomez said. “If we play good defense, we’ll win. Hitting will come.” That it did, in an eight-run second inning that all but sealed the deal for the Longhorns.
    United pounded eight hits (four for extra bases) and sent 12 batters to the plate in the inning.
    All eight runs were scored with two outs.
    Stevie Rincon started things with a three-run double with the bases loaded.
    Luis Pollorena followed with a RBI double, Javy Perez added a RBI single, and Homero Ortiz drilled a two-run single to deep centerfield.
    Danny Navarro added a RBI double moments later to finish the scoring spree.
    “We’ve been playing well as an offense,” Ortiz said. “At the plate, we’re focused on hitting the ball hard and now we’ve got to keep it up. We’ve got the defense and pitching to put teams away.” The Longhorns were patient and poised at the plate, taking advantage of Mustangs righthander Emilio Compean, whose lack of control and location accounted for all eight runs as he lasted two innings.
    “I told the kids to let the ball get to them, don’t pounce on it,” Gomez said. “The kids were disciplined and they waited until the ball got into their zone. All they can control is hitting the ball hard. That’s our philosophy, and we’ve been doing a better job of that.” Jorge Juarneros nailed a solo home run to left field — again with two outs — in the fourth inning, and A.J. Gomez’s RBI single in the fifth secured the early win for the Longhorns, who have accounted for 26 hits and 23 runs in their last two games.
    “Alexander gave us a big wakeup call,” Pollorena said. “We know now we can’t just show up and win. The past few games we’ve played with the kind of effort that we need to. We know we’re good enough to repeat as district champs, but we’ve got to play as a team.
    “We won’t win anything individually.”
  2. KYSportsWriter

    KYSportsWriter Well-Known Member

    I've always been told to never put another score before the final score of the game you covered.

    "Since Tuesday's heartbreaking one-run loss ..." would have worked just fine.

    Right-hander has a hyphen in it.

    Two words.
  3. mike311gd

    mike311gd Active Member


    I'd lead with the no-hitter. How often does this happen in your area?

    Complete-game no-hitter is redundant.

    I'd make sure you separate your quotes and your text.

    "... all but sealed the deal for the Longhorns." That's pretty cliched and just adds words.
    What's the score? How about Stevie Rincon's three-run double made it 3-0. By the way, a three-run double is a double with the bases loaded, so that's redundant.

    "... early win for the Longhorns, who have accounted for 26 hits and 23 runs in their last two games."

    Get rid of "accounted for" and make it: "... early win for the Longhorns, who scored 23 runs on 26 hits in their last two games.

    I'm a stickler for getting rid of useless words. Anything to make it tighter, you know?

    And KY's suggestions are golden, too.

  4. -Scoop-

    -Scoop- Member

    Great tips from both. Thanks!

    I'd seen "righthander" without the hyphen elsewhere. I'll remember to use it now, and Mike, I appreciate the help with getting rid of useless words. That's one of my weaknesses, is that I tend to run on too much sometimes.
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