Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ (UPDATE)

My dad had a colonoscopy a month ago, and since then he hasn't had an appetite.

Finally, last Thursday I convinced my mom to take him to the doctor. X-rays, bloodwork, CAT scans and a scope later, they found a growth in his esophagus.

I think I knew all along that this was going to be the outcome. They don't know for sure if it's cancer yet, but the doctor thinks it is. They're throwing around words like 'treatment' and 'chemo' and I'm completely numb. I know everyone says they didn't think it could happen in my family, but I really didn't. There is no history of cancer in my dad's family. He's led a very healthy life, being a farmer and all -- but he dipped.

My parents are strangely happy that they have a diagnosis. I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. It probably didn't help that my dad tried to protect me from the news and then I talked to my mom and she said the doctor thinks it's cancer. My mom convinced me to call into work today because I'm angling really hard for a promotion and walking around in a daze on the verge of tears all day is not the image she wants me to project.

The only good news is that I'm going in to have my deviated septum surgery tomorrow and I'll be out of work for a week, which means I can go to the doctor with dad when he gets the diagnosis.

Anyway, prayers would be appreciated.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ


Sending prayers your way, farmerj.

Hey, it's way early in the process and it may be benign. Give your dad some support now, not fear and worry.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

My prayers are with you and your dad. I can relate to a point. My dad is 71 and has had some health issues, but nothing as bad as the Big C (I hope your dad doesn't have it). Still, he's my dad. He's a down-to-earth, hard-working guy. I just want him to enjoy his retirement and I want him to be around for as long as possible. He's my hero.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

Sorry to hear the news farmerj. It's awful and I've been where you are. It is a good thing, though, that there's a diagnosis because now they can start treating it.

Hang in there. Good luck with your own surgery. Keep us posted.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

First of all, my sympathies that you're going through this.

Secondly, I can relate to your parents being relieved that they have a diagnosis. When I had a growth and we didn't know if it was cancer, I was worried about a million different possibilities. I read up on all of them, and each thing I read scared me more. It was almost as if knowledge was not power after I read some of the stuff out there about testicular cancer. Add to that speculation from a different doctor that it wasn't cancer when I made a quick trip to the hospital after I noticed bleeding near the incision site and you have a recipe for mega stress.

When my urologist explained that what they found was cancer, but that it was a seminoma and that meant it was the best possible cancer to have, I felt that sense of relief knowing exactly what I had and knowing what the treatment options were. Instead of worrying about a million possibilities, I knew which ones were off the table.

The strange thing was that my father went with me to a few appointments in an effort to comfort me. However, there were times I had to try to calm him down. Then there were one or two appointments where I specifically told him to stay home because I didn't want the stress of dealing with him worrying about what was going to happen. It helped immensely that my urologist explained everything in layman's terms and did so with a caring manner.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ


Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. Prayers for farmerj.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

Thoughts are with you, fj. My mom had a colonoscopy last week and they found a polyp too big to remove at one time. We're waiting to hear on a biopsy result.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

Thanks for the love everyone, I have a minor update and unfortunetely it's not a good one.

The reason my dad and mom had different views on what the doctor said is that dad was still a little groggy from being put under. That, and I think he's a little in denial. I decided to call the doctor myself partly because of that and on top of everything the 'rents couldn't even decide when the doctor was calling with the biopsy results.

This is what he told me: my father has a growth in the lower part of his esphogaus which he thinks is invasive and spread to his liver and possibly his prostate. His PSA (?) levels are elevated so he has to see a urologist after the oncologist. This is not good news. The doctor sounded very grave and said that dad has anywhere from a few months to two years depending on the effectiveness of the chemo. He's seeing the oncologist next Tuesday, which is good because A) Obviously it's quick and B) I'll be out of work recovering from my surgery so I can to the doctor myself.

Dad, being the trooper that he is, left for a few hours today to solve some problem somewhere and my mom and I had a chance to talk. She's all about his quality of life and making his life a celebration of life with the time he has left all the while holding out hope that he'll make it comfortably beyond the two years.

I'm completely grounded with this. I'm not holding out any hope unless the oncologist himself gives me reason to have some. All I'm hoping for is one last Christmas in reasonalbly good health. From you guys with experience with this, what should I be doing? I'm going to be positive around my dad because it hasn't hit him yet. Hell, Dr. J's grandfather lived with prostate cancer for years with no medical care (he refused it). The only reason we believe he passed is he didn't have his grandmother to take care of anymore (nursing home).

I'm thinking of purchasing a camcorder (do they still call them camcorders?) before this progresses any further. Dad is a longwinded story guy (yup, that's where I got it) and I want to remember that. Beyond that I have a good camera for last holidays. Any other ideas?

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

Let him lead the way. Which sounds simple enough, but it's easy for people (I've seen this before) to, in good intentions, hijack the process and make it more about what they want instead of what the patient wants. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy who wants a year-long funeral, and neither do you, so keep an eye out for making sure it doesn't get too maudlin. Tell people to try to avoid the omnibus speech about what a wonderful man he's been and that sort of thing, because it'll make it sound like they're saying goodbye. And keep them (to the degree you can) from making ill-informed diagnoses and medical opinions. You sound like you're being realistic about it (and if it's cancerous and in the liver, it's not good at all), so keep that in mind.

And whatever you plan to do or how you plan to take it, write it somewhere, too. Because while it sounds OK now, you don't know how it's going to be the 4th of July, or Christmas, or when he has to go in the hospital. You'll need the reminder.

And, naturally, good luck.,

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

Not the news I wanted to read here. Wishing the fj family all the best and all my prayers go out to y'all this Easter.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

Don't really have anything to add, other than to say that I'm sorry, Fj, and I'm hoping for the best for your dad.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

I'm sorry you and your family have to go through this, amiga. My best wishes.